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Some people think that physical punishment of children is necessary, while others believe that such punishment should be made illegal. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that physical punishment of children is necessary, while others believe that such punishment should be made illegal. v. 1
Until fairly recently, it has been noticed that voyagers are travelling more than ever before, and globalisation is the main reason for it, while there are several advantages for voyagers. On the one hand, globalisation is the main reason for travelling. The world has become a global village, therefore, people are travelling around the globe for education, occupation, and to work. For Example, In India there are many students who prefer to study abroad. Personally, I have done my post graduation in the Hotel and business management from International Business School, Isle of Mann, U. K. Additionally, nowadays companies are expanding their business overseas, which is another reason why people are travelling. For Instance, In India many multinational companies like Sony, Reebok are operating their occupation all around the world, hence to attend their quarterly, half yearly and yearly meetings people tend to travel. On the other hand, International travellers enjoy n number of advantages of travelling around the world. Firstly, learning different culture, benefits a person in a long run, as one learns new things from it. For example, my neighbour had visited Europe a year ago and they have learned a new custom of planting trees such as Money Plant, Cactus in the rooms, as a result of this I have seen my neighbours following the same footsteps. Secondly, People are now open to exploit more International opportunities in the field of education, thus after completion they get jobs easily and better lifestyle. For Instance, if I hadn’t educated from Isle of man, UK, I wouldn’t have got job over a professional job in a renowned Renaissance hotel, Manchester as a Front Office Supervisor. In conclusion, people are frequently travelling around the globe for business and education, travelling, however, benefitted them to get global jobs and learn their culture.
Until
fairly
recently, it has
been noticed
that voyagers are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
more than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
is the main reason for it, while there are several advantages for voyagers.

On the one hand,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
is the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
. The world has become a global village,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the globe for education, occupation, and to work.
For Example
, In India there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students who prefer to study abroad.
Personally
, I have done my post graduation in the Hotel and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
management from International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
School, Isle of Mann, U. K.
Additionally
, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are expanding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
overseas, which is another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
.
For Instance
, In India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Sony, Reebok are operating their occupation all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world,
hence
to attend their quarterly,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
half yearly
and yearly meetings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to travel.

On the other hand
, International
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
enjoy n number of advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world.
Firstly
, learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture, benefits a person in a long run, as one learns new things from it.
For example
, my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
had visited Europe a year
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ago and
they have learned a new custom of planting trees such as Money Plant, Cactus in the rooms,
as a result
of this I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
following the same footsteps.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
open to exploit more International opportunities in the field of education,
thus
after completion they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
easily
and better lifestyle.
For Instance
, if I hadn’t educated from Isle of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, UK, I wouldn’t have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
over a professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a renowned Renaissance hotel, Manchester as a Front Office Supervisor.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
frequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the globe for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
,
however
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and learn their culture.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that physical punishment of children is necessary, while others believe that such punishment should be made illegal. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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