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It is sometimes argued that too many students go to university while others claim that a university education should be a universal right Discuss both sides of the argument and give your own opinion v.3

It is sometimes argued that too many students go to university while others claim that a university education should be a universal right 3
In developed countries, the number of students, who had graduated from the universities, is increasing every year. Critics, on the other hand, claim that many university courses are worthless and young people would be better off with gaining skills in the workforce. In this essay, I will examine the both sides of the arguments and try to reach a reasonable conclusion. Many of funds, which are available at the society, are provided by the government. Likewise, most of school loans also, are supported by the government. The government has made a deficit of some trillion dollars for supporting universities and for research funds, which amount increases every year as the number of students increase. The school loans would burdened on students after graduating from their universities, until they got paid back. Thus, this increase in amount on student’s loan put up the weight on to the government’s shoulder as a whole. As the society has changed rapidly with the technology advancement, there are a various positions with no requirement for the university degree. For example, computer programmers or computer analysts such as Steve Jobs or Bill Gates are the commonly known as a successful person without the university certificate. Therefore, it is not the only option to get employed with a university degree. On the other hand, still many of young people prefer to obtain a tertiary degree immediately after their high school graduations. The first and foremost reason is that, the society has created the rule where someone with a degree has more opportunities to get hired by the company than someone with a certificate. Therefore, the university degree is used as a cornerstone for achieving a successful life. The most of successful businesses owners have obtained with a reputable university degree. Secondly, in order to develop the country, teenagers will acquire tertiary education. According to the BBC press, the number of graduates is higher in developed countries than developing countries. If more individuals have educated, then they could have make some suggestions to the government to changing with the society. Therefore, the society could improve by suggestions of individuals. In conclusion, even though it is crucial for individuals to educate for future development reasons, in my perspective, obtain with real life experiences is more crucial.
In developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, who had graduated from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, is increasing every year. Critics,
on the other hand
, claim that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
courses are worthless and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would be better off with gaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the workforce. In this essay, I will examine the both sides of the arguments and try to reach a reasonable conclusion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of funds, which are available at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
are provided
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Likewise
,
Consider using "most school" or "most of the school".
most of school
loans
also
,
are supported
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has made a deficit of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trillion dollars for supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and for research funds, which amount increases every year as the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
increase. The school loans would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "burden"
burdened
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
after graduating from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
paid back.
Thus
, this increase in amount on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
loan put up the weight on to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
shoulder as a whole.

As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
rapidly
with the technology advancement, there are a various
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "position"?
positions
with no requirement for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
For example
, computer programmers or computer analysts such as Steve Jobs or Bill Gates are the
commonly
known as a successful person without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
certificate.
Therefore
, it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree.

On the other hand
,
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to obtain a tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
immediately after their high school graduations. The
first
and foremost reason is that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has created the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
where someone with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
has more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hired by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
than someone with a certificate.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a cornerstone for achieving a successful life. The most of successful businesses owners have obtained with a reputable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
Secondly
, in order to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will acquire tertiary education. According to the BBC press, the number of graduates is higher in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. If more individuals have educated, then they could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to changing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
by suggestions of individuals.

In conclusion
,
even though
it is crucial for individuals to educate for future development reasons, in my perspective, obtain with real life experiences is more crucial.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay It is sometimes argued that too many students go to university while others claim that a university education should be a universal right 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
377 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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