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Computers games are extremely popular with children nowadays. What are the negative impact of these children playing computer games, and what can be done to minimize the bad effects v.2

Computers games are extremely popular with children nowadays. What are the negative impact of these children playing computer games, and what can be done to minimize the bad effects v. 2
In recent years, the number of time that spent by children to playing computer games has increased. In this essay, I would examine the negative impacts and suggest solutions minimize the effects. There are two main negative impacts of the kids who consume computer games. Firstly, too much staying in front of computers or gadgets could cause them to get ill. The worst is, it might disrupt eye’s health such as sore eye or symptom of nearsighted. Thus, they are required to wear glasses in order to be able to see clearly. Secondly, the children could be an antisocial and introverted person. It might be true that having fun with the electronic game could train their brain’s abilities. But, they usually only have one or two friends and speaking less. Additionally, in society, some of them would miss talking with family or go out for sport. However, there are two feasible solutions to those problems. To begin with, parents should make strict rules about playing games and remain to give them the understanding that it is for their own good. For example, make a PlayStation schedule which they could only play on Saturday and Sunday. Also, they could join in school clubs like sports or music to divert them from the desktop and make friends. The next one is consuming vegetables and fruits which contain vitamin A. It is known for owning various benefits on the eye and could prevent diseases affecting eye’s healthy. All in all, I think spending much time in computer games would cause children to become more selfish because they only focus on themselves. Therefore, parents need to make a requirement if they want to play and the most important is to get along with them.
In recent years, the number of time that spent by children to playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has increased. In this essay, I would examine the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts and suggest solutions minimize the effects.

There are two main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of the kids who consume computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Firstly
, too much staying in front of computers or gadgets could cause them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ill. The worst is, it might disrupt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eye’s
health such as sore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eye
or symptom of nearsighted.
Thus
, they
are required
to wear glasses in order to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
clearly
.
Secondly
, the children could be an antisocial and introverted person. It might be true that having fun with the electronic game could train their brain’s abilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have one or two friends and speaking less.
Additionally
, in society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them would miss talking with family or go out for sport.

However
, there are two feasible solutions to those problems. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, parents should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
about playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and remain to give them the understanding that it is for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a PlayStation schedule which they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
play on Saturday and Sunday.
Also
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in school clubs like sports or music to divert them from the desktop and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
friends. The
next
one is consuming vegetables and fruits which contain vitamin A. It
is known
for owning various benefits on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eye
and could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
diseases affecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eye’s
healthy.

All in all, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
spending much time in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would cause children to become more selfish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on themselves.
Therefore
, parents need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a requirement if they want to play and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with them.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Computers games are extremely popular with children nowadays. What are the negative impact of these children playing computer games, and what can be done to minimize the bad effects v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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