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It is sometimes argued that too many students go to university, while others claim that a university education should be a universal right. Discuss both sides of the argument and give your own opinion. v.1

It is sometimes argued that too many students go to university, while others claim that a university education should be a universal right. v. 1
In some advanced countries, it is not unusual for more than 50% of young adults to attend college or university. Critics, however, claim that many university courses are worthless and young people would be better off gaining skills in the workplace. In this essay, I will examine both sides of this argument and try to reach a conclusion. There are several reasons why young people today believe they have the right to a university education. First, growing prosperity in many parts of the world has increased the number of families with money to invest in their children’s future. At the same time, falling birthrates mean that one- or two-child families have become common, increasing the level of investment in each child. It is hardly surprising, therefore, that young people are willing to let their families support them until the age of 21 or 22. Furthermore, millions of new jobs have been created in knowledge industries, and these jobs are typically open only to university graduates. However, it often appears that graduates end up in occupations unrelated to their university studies. It is not uncommon for an English literature major to end up working in sales, or an engineering graduate to retrain as a teacher, for example. Some critics have suggested that young people are just delaying their entry into the workplace, rather than developing professional skills. A more serious problem is that the high cost of a university education will mean that many families are reluctant to have more than one child, exacerbating the falling birth rates in certain countries. In conclusion, while it can be argued that too much emphasis is placed on a university education, my own opinion is that the university years are a crucial time for personal development. If people enter the workplace aged 18, their future options may be severely restricted. Attending university allows them time to learn more about themselves and make a more appropriate choice of career.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advanced countries, it is not unusual for more than 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults to attend college or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. Critics,
however
, claim that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
courses are worthless and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be better off gaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the workplace. In this essay, I will examine both sides of this argument and try to reach a conclusion.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
believe they have the right to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.
First
, growing prosperity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world has increased the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with money to invest in their children’s future. At the same time, falling birthrates mean that one- or two-child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have become common, increasing the level of investment in each child. It is hardly surprising,
therefore
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
support them until the age of 21 or 22.
Furthermore
, millions of new jobs have
been created
in knowledge industries, and these jobs are
typically
open
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates.

However
, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
appears that graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in occupations unrelated to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
studies. It is not uncommon for an English literature major to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up working in sales, or an engineering graduate to retrain as a teacher,
for example
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
critics have suggested that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
delaying their entry into the workplace,
rather
than developing professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. A more serious problem is that the high cost of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education will mean that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are reluctant to have more than one child, exacerbating the falling birth rates in certain countries.

In conclusion
, while it can
be argued
that too much emphasis
is placed
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
years are a crucial time for personal development. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enter the workplace aged 18, their future options may be
severely
restricted. Attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them time to learn more about themselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a more appropriate choice of career.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay It is sometimes argued that too many students go to university, while others claim that a university education should be a universal right. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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