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It is said that people who read books with preasure have more developed imaginations and better language skills than people who like watching TV. Agree or disagree? v.1

It is said that people who read books with preasure have more developed imaginations and better language skills than people who like watching TV. Agree or disagree? v. 1
Some people argue that reading is better for enhancing positive thinking while other groups say that watching TV is more beneficial. I completely agree that the thinking capability and language skills of a person are better developed by reading than watching TV. First of all, reading books provides active learning for learners while the latter is a passive one. Reading can contribute a lot to language skill, people who read books frequently can improve their language skill which is very essential in modern society, reading also can greatly enhance people’s imagination. For example, the individuals make different images in their minds when they read some articles or sentences and then use their imagination to put the story together, whereas the TV audience just passively accepts information from the TV screen. Secondly, watching television does not develop a person’s skill in high-level thinking, vocabulary, or recognition of words. TV programs focus more on pictures than on words. In fact, it can directly see that words in almost books are formal and literate than spoken language shown on TV. The quick change of visuals and the fast pace of the scenes cause the visuals to dominate the speech. Additionally, nowadays, television programs are much more commercial and always try to produce programs with commercial aspects, therefore it may take negative impacts on young people, especial decrease the ability learning speaking in baby. In conclusion, it seems to me that reading books is better than watching TV not only in developing imagination and language skills but also in many other ways. Therefore, maintaining the reading habit is an indispensable part of today’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is better for enhancing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thinking while other groups say that watching TV is more beneficial. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the thinking capability and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of a person are better developed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
than watching TV.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
provides active learning for learners while the latter is a passive one.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
can contribute a lot to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
frequently
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential in modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
also
can
greatly
enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
imagination.
For example
, the individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
images in their minds when they read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
articles or sentences and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their imagination to put the story together, whereas the TV audience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
passively
accepts information from the TV screen.

Secondly
, watching television does not develop a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in high-level thinking, vocabulary, or recognition of words. TV programs focus more on pictures than on words. In fact, it can
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that words in almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are formal and
Use "(literate)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
literate
than spoken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
shown on TV. The quick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of visuals and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of the scenes cause the visuals to dominate the speech.
Additionally
, nowadays, television programs are much more commercial and always try to produce programs with commercial aspects,
therefore
it may take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, especial decrease the ability learning speaking in baby.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is better than watching TV not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in developing imagination and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other ways.
Therefore
, maintaining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
habit is an indispensable part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s life.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is said that people who read books with preasure have more developed imaginations and better language skills than people who like watching TV. Agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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