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It is said that countries should produce all food for their population to eat and import as little as possible. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is said that countries should produce all food for their population to eat and import as little as possible. v. 1
There are those who say that online communities break the boundary of connection and enable people to communicate with other people who live in other peninsulas. This essay will examine the advantages and some of the disadvantages in this issue. Numerous studies have consistently found that there are many benefits from online connection. Firstly, there are no limitations of connecting to other people around the world due to the internet, this leads to the increasing significantly of language skills such as English language, people can learn intensive language skills from their foreign friends who are native and fluent in that language. Secondly, the wide range of contacts leads to various cultural learning. As a result of this, people can exchange their valuable experiences and the richness of culture from many parts of continents. Thirdly, as business competition gets more contacts, online advertising is also beneficial to the companies which promote their products to the customers and they can ask any question or send feedback from online platforms. Consequently, the number of customers has risen over the past year. However, there are several disadvantages to consider. To begin with stolen personal information, sometimes the hackers come as a friend because they know the personal details, this leads to the chance to hack such as telephone numbers or bank accounts. Moreover, in the social network, people can share their status details as they want to share to the public and deceive each other. For example, the western guys have girlfriends already, but they are still looking at Thais girls to date with them in online applications. To sum up, there are many benefits of online communication for people that don’t have a chance to meet in person by increasing language skills, exchanging experiences and culture or getting new business contacts. However, there are also have some disadvantages.
There are those who say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communities break the boundary of connection and enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
peninsulas. This essay will examine the advantages and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
disadvantages in this issue.

Numerous studies have
consistently
found that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
connection.
Firstly
, there are no limitations of connecting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world due to the internet, this leads to the increasing
significantly
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn intensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from their foreign friends who are native and fluent in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
Secondly
, the wide range of contacts leads to various cultural learning.
As a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can exchange their valuable experiences and the richness of culture from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of continents.
Thirdly
, as business competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more contacts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
advertising is
also
beneficial to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which promote their products to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
customers and
they can ask any question or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
feedback from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms.
Consequently
, the number of customers has risen over the past year.

However
, there are several disadvantages to consider. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with stolen personal information,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the hackers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as a friend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, this leads to the chance to hack such as telephone numbers or bank accounts.
Moreover
, in the social network,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share their status
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
as they want to share to the public and deceive each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For example
, the western guys have girlfriends already,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
still
looking at Thais girls to date with them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
applications.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communication for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that don’t have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in person by increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, exchanging experiences and culture or getting new business contacts.
However
, there are
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay It is said that countries should produce all food for their population to eat and import as little as possible. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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