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TPO 19_ Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to be well-informed, a person must get information from many different news resources. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO 19_ In order to be well-informed, a person must get information from many different news resources. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
In recent days, high school students have pushed to work or travel after being graduated from their schools. This essay will highlight both the benefits and drawbacks that result from this approach. To begin with the positives, a crucial advantage that this approach has is that young students gain much experience while travelling or working than being at their homes. This is because travelling to different countries can enhance the communication skills by dealing with others from a different culture. For instance, a student who travelled to Egypt will usually learn more due to cultural diversity than that who did not. Besides being knowledgeable, travelling or working overseas have some other benefits resulted in self-confidence. As these students tend to travel and work, they often face some new barriers that are considered to be challenges, thus they become more reliable and dependable. Nevertheless, travelling or working after graduating from high schools do present some problems. To illustrate, their higher education might be affected to be postponed for at least one year due to the year of travel or work. Consequently, these students are usually depressed or stressed. Another significant disadvantage of this approach is that some of the new travelers or workers cannot be adapted to the new environment because of their young ages, therefore, they often would find it difficult to overcome this change. For instance, a student who travelled to China struggled in eating habits that the Chinese people have. To conclude, although travelling or working overseas are beneficial in terms of more experience and self-confidence to students, it is important to consider that they harm students’ emotions and face some difficulties.
In recent days, high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have pushed to work or travel after
being graduated
from their schools. This essay will highlight both the benefits and drawbacks that result from this approach.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the positives, a crucial advantage that this approach has is that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain much experience while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or
Use "worker" to make a comparison with this adjective.
working
than being at their homes. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries can enhance the communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by dealing with others from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who travelled to Egypt will
usually
learn more due to cultural diversity than that who did not.
Besides
being knowledgeable,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overseas have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other benefits resulted in self-confidence. As these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to travel and work, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new barriers that
are considered
to be challenges,
thus
they become more reliable and dependable.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after graduating from high schools do present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems. To illustrate, their higher education might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to
be postponed
for at least one year due to the year of travel or work.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
usually
depressed or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
. Another significant disadvantage of this approach is that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
new travelers or workers cannot
be adapted
to the new environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their young ages,
therefore
, they
The adverb 'often' is usually put between 'would' and 'find'.
often would find
it difficult to overcome this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who travelled to China struggled in eating habits that the Chinese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overseas are beneficial in terms of more experience and self-confidence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider that they harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
emotions and face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay TPO 19_ In order to be well-informed, a person must get information from many different news resources. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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