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It is quite common for both parents in a family to work. Sometimes this is because they need two salaries to survive whereas other times it is their choice. What are the problems you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and the family life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

It is quite common for both parents in a family to work. Sometimes this is because they need two salaries to survive whereas other times it is their choice. What are the problems you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and the family life? v. 1
In this money driven world, it is not uncommon to see both the partners in a family to be working to fulfil the family needs or otherwise. This situation has given rise to many problems for children as well as family. On one hand, because of spending extended number of hours at workplace, the children are usually rendered unattended by both the parents, which makes them pray of bad habits such as enormous hours spent on playing games and watching television. Moreover, Children in such houses are often seen to be indulged in bad company as they are not mature enough to distinguish between rights and wrongs. For instance, according to a research, around 60 percent of the children of the households, where both parents are doing jobs, are seen to be indulged in illegal activities. On the other hand, such scenario also has an adverse effect the family life too. Firstly, as the members of the family spend least time together, it results in having weak family bond. Secondly, it also raises the problem of poor mental health of the family members as they are exposed to constant pressure of work as well as home chores. Last but not the least, the intimacy and respect among the couples deteriorate, which, in turn, give rise to fights and arguments. To illustrate, the divorce rate among the young couples has arisen to 20 percent because of spending less time together and more at work. To conclude, albeit earning money is a necessity in today’s world, however, it should not be done at the cost of ignoring family and children.
In this money driven world, it is not uncommon to
see
both the partners in a
family
to be working to fulfil the
family
needs or
otherwise
. This situation has
given
rise to
many
problems for
children
as well
as family.

On one hand,
because
of spending extended number of hours at workplace, the
children
are
usually
rendered unattended by both the parents, which
makes
them pray of
bad
habits such as enormous hours spent on playing games and watching television.
Moreover
,
Children
in such
houses
are
often
seen
to
be indulged
in
bad
company
as they are not mature
enough
to distinguish between rights and wrongs.
For instance
, according to a research, around 60 percent of the
children
of the households, where both parents are doing jobs, are
seen
to
be indulged
in illegal activities.

On the other hand
, such scenario
also
has an adverse effect the
family
life too.
Firstly
, as the members of the
family
spend
least
time together, it results in having weak
family
bond.
Secondly
, it
also
raises the problem of poor mental health of the
family
members as they
are exposed
to constant pressure of work
as well
as home chores. Last
but
not the least, the intimacy and respect among the couples deteriorate, which, in turn, give rise to fights and arguments. To illustrate, the divorce rate among the young couples has arisen to 20 percent
because
of spending less time together and more at work.

To conclude
, albeit earning money is a necessity in
today
’s world,
however
, it should not
be done
at the cost of ignoring
family
and
children
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is quite common for both parents in a family to work. Sometimes this is because they need two salaries to survive whereas other times it is their choice. What are the problems you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and the family life? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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