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It is quite common for both the parents in a family to work. Sometimes, this is because they need two salaries to survive, whereas at other times, it is their choice. What problems do you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and family life? v.1

It is quite common for both the parents in a family to work. Sometimes, this is because they need two salaries to survive, whereas at other times, it is their choice. What problems do you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and family life? v. 1
In the modern society, it is usual to see both the parents in a family working. While for some people, it is a requisition for economic survival, for others, it is a matter of choice to pursue a career. This situation may have wide-ranging repercussions in the family life, which are discussed in the following paragraphs. Myriad problems can emanate from such a scenario. To begin with, when both the parents in a family are working, they seldom find time for each other and their children. In addition, sometimes, their timings often become totally different where one of them works during the day and the other during the night hours, due to which the entire management at the home tends to get disturbed and the things go awry. Besides this, some parents send their children to the day-care centres where they are taken care of by strangers as a result of which, the emotional bond between the parents and their young ones starts getting weakened and they do not get the required love and affection. The above-said problems entail various consequences. Firstly, personal relationship between the couple might get affected due to the difference in timings and thus, frequent tussles may occur between them over petty issues such as preparation of food or purchasing the groceries. Secondly, when children are left at the day-care centres, they may neither learn moral values from the strangers which are customarily taught by the parents, nor get corrected for the mistakes committed by them. Thirdly, in the absence of their parents, they may spend time alone with their gadgets, enter into bad company or become prone to depression. To conclude, it sometimes becomes necessary for both the parents to work for financial independence, however, efforts must be made to pay attention towards their children and spend more time with each other. Engulfing oneself entirely into work impacts the overall family life. A balance must, thus, be maintained. (
In the modern society, it is usual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
working. While for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it is a requisition for economic survival, for others, it is a matter of choice to pursue a career. This situation may have wide-ranging repercussions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life, which
are discussed
in the following paragraphs.

Myriad problems can emanate from such a scenario. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are working, they seldom find time for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, their timings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
where one of them works during the day and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
during the night hours, due to which the entire management at the home tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disturbed and the things go awry.
Besides
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the day-care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
where they
are taken
care of by strangers
as a result
of which, the emotional bond between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their young ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
getting
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
weakened and
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection.

The above-said problems entail various consequences.
Firstly
, personal relationship between the couple might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
due to the difference in timings and
thus
, frequent tussles may occur between them over petty issues such as preparation of food or purchasing the groceries.
Secondly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
at the day-care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, they may neither learn moral values from the strangers which are
customarily
taught by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, nor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
corrected for the mistakes committed by them.
Thirdly
, in the absence of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they may spend time alone with their gadgets, enter into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or become prone to depression.

To conclude
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
becomes necessary for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to work for financial independence,
however
, efforts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
to pay attention towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and spend more time with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Engulfing oneself
entirely
into work impacts the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life. A balance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
,
thus
,
be maintained
.
Unpaired symbol: ')' seems to be missing
(
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay It is quite common for both the parents in a family to work. Sometimes, this is because they need two salaries to survive, whereas at other times, it is their choice. What problems do you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and family life? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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