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It is quite common for both parents in a family to work. Sometimes this is because they need two salaries to survive whereas other times it is their choice. What are the problems you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and the family life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

It is quite common for both parents in a family to work. Sometimes this is because they need two salaries to survive whereas other times it is their choice. What are the problems you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and the family life? v. 2
Nowadays, most people are living in an open economy, so it is quite common for both parents in a family to work because they need two salaries to survive, whereas other times it is their choice, the only problem in this situation is lack of care from parents in the childhood may affect the children when they grown up, hence, this may lead to many society problems. If a person has been abandoned from their childhood, he or she may experience a lot of mental problems when they are grown up, which have been discovered as; depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, paranoid. The adults will also face social problems such as; bullied, isolated from community, living in poverty. Furthermore, when the parents are too busy with their jobs, this will make them stressed and there is a high chance that they will fall into problems such as; substance abused, child abused, labours trafficking. In addition, this will lead to a destruction of their own family and a dysfunctional family is a seed of many crimes. To prevent this, the community must correct itself by working hard to increase people's awareness, as well as by helping the broken families in recovery. In summary, society is consists of many communities and community is made by many families, hence, it is true to say that family is the root of society, as a result, a dysfunctional family may damage and lead to the destruction of a society. However, increasing people's awareness in developing and protecting their own society, may help them reduce the overall stress of their society and guide them self to a more beautiful life, with less crime and problem caused by the parents that unable to pay more attention to their own family because they need more money to survive the modern competitive economy.
Nowadays, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living in an open economy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is quite common for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need two salaries to survive, whereas other times it is their choice, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in this situation is lack of care from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the childhood may affect the children when they grown up,
hence
, this may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
problems.

If a person has
been abandoned
from their childhood, he or she may experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
when they
are grown
up, which have
been discovered
as; depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, paranoid. The adults will
also
face social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as; bullied, isolated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, living in poverty.
Furthermore
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are too busy with their jobs, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and there is a high chance that they will fall into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as; substance abused, child abused,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
trafficking.
In addition
, this will lead to a destruction of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and a dysfunctional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a seed of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
crimes. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
correct itself by working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's awareness,
as well
as by helping the broken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in recovery.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is consists of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
is made
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
hence
, it is true to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the root of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
as a result
, a dysfunctional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
may damage and lead to the destruction of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
However
, increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's awareness in developing and protecting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
overall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and guide them self to a more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
life, with less crime and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
caused by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that unable to pay more attention to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need more money to survive the modern competitive economy.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is quite common for both parents in a family to work. Sometimes this is because they need two salaries to survive whereas other times it is their choice. What are the problems you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and the family life? v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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