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It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime is a direct influence of the increase of the violence in media. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Many seemed to be of opinion that the increase in showing violence content in TV programs and Films led to the rise in crime by young people. A range of reasons can explain the cause of this phenomenon, such as lack of maturity and awareness of consequences. However, these issues can be solved in number of ways, which we will be discussing in this essay. There are various reasons I believe that the violence content in films or TV shows led to the childhood crime. First of all, young children lack the maturity to differentiate between the reel and real things. For example, in films or TV shows if they show scenes, which glorify stalking. It will get register in young people mind, and they would believe that stalking is normal and there is nothing wrong to follow the same in their real life. Furthermore, the missing of awareness of laws for different crimes, which generally shown in films or TV as normal. For example, stealing and shoplifting are generally portrayed as normal in films and TV shows, which will lead the young children to do so in their real life. There are many solutions, which would solve this phenomenon. Firstly, parents and family members should make the young people aware from their childhood that, whatever shown in films or TV shows should nor be followed in real life. For example, whenever a film shows the stalking or stealing scene, parents should pass indirect comment during film, that if anyone tries to these things in real life will face severe consequences. Also, government should introduce the details of common criminal laws and their punishment in the school curriculum. To conclude, some main reasons for the violent media content leading to the young people to do crimes are lack of maturity and awareness of the criminal laws and their punishment details. However, these issues can be solved by educating young people during their upbringing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
seemed to be of opinion that the increase in showing violence content in TV programs and Films led to the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A range of reasons can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the cause of this phenomenon, such as lack of maturity and awareness of consequences.
However
, these issues can
be solved
in number of ways, which we will be discussing in this essay.

There are various reasons I believe that the violence content in films or TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
led to the childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children lack the maturity to differentiate between the reel and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
things.
For example
, in films or TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
scenes, which glorify stalking. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
register in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mind, and they would believe that stalking is normal and there is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to follow the same in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life.
Furthermore
, the missing of awareness of laws for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, which
generally
shown in films or TV as normal.
For example
, stealing and shoplifting are
generally
portrayed as normal in films and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
, which will lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions, which would solve this phenomenon.
Firstly
, parents and family members should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware from their childhood that, whatever shown in films or TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
should nor
be followed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life.
For example
, whenever a film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
the stalking or stealing scene, parents should pass indirect comment during film, that if anyone tries to these things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life will face severe consequences.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of common criminal laws and their punishment in the school curriculum.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main reasons for the violent media content leading to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are lack of maturity and awareness of the criminal laws and their punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.
However
, these issues can
be solved
by educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
during their upbringing.
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A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. Do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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