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Education Job FairSaturday, October 9 9: 00 a. m. -12: 00 p. m. Washington CenterThe University of the Rockies has been offering our Placement Abroad Services for prospective teachers since 1980. This program is sponsored by the University of the Rockies&# v.2

Education Job FairSaturday, October 9 9: 00 a. m. -12: 00 p. m. Washington CenterThe University of the Rockies has been offering our Placement Abroad Services for prospective teachers since 1980. This program is sponsored by the University of the Rockies&# v. 2
History is considered one of the most important subjects, that can be taught to students in a school based on the opinion of a small fraction of people. But however, focus on subjects like Science and technology should be more rather than on what had already happened in the past; is the argument of other people. Each view has its own merits and let's see each of them separately. Learning History gives us some perspective about the way of life of people in different time periods. Furthermore, knowledge obtained from the History, enable us from repeating the mistakes of our ancestors and helps us move forward. For example, having a glance at the history about world wars 1 and 2 during the years 1914-18 and 1939-45 respectively, got people thinking how catastrophic they can be. The death toll was on an unimaginable scale, leaving corpses and destruction in its wake. All this massacre and genocide made everyone feel scared and helpless in the face of such adversity which led to the formation of a peace treaty among nations and each is striving hard to prevent such calamity from ever happening again. By incorporating history into the school curriculum helps in motivating young minds to stray away from the path of violence. We are literally living in the golden age of Science and technological advancement. Undoubtedly, resources are being pooled into the REASEARCH and DEVELOPMENT departments, by the Governments and companies creating lots of job opportunities. In order to compete and succeed in the world, children must be well taught in the necessary areas so that, they are well equipped for their future. So, the primary concern of both the parents and schools is to offer most of the affordable time in teaching about Science and technology to enhance their capabilities. For example, Data analysts are being recruited by the software companies, which are among one of the highly paid jobs all over the world and it seems rational on focusing teaching efforts to that end rather than teaching about some long forgotten rulers. In conclusion, both views have their own merits. History lets' us learn from the mistakes of the past, while, focusing on sciences increases chances of having a successful career. In my opinion, balance between both the subjects can prove much more effective instead of, concentrating on just the one.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is considered
one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subjects, that can
be taught
to students in a school based on the opinion of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
however
, focus on subjects like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and technology should be more
rather
than on what had already happened in the past; is the argument of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Each view has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each of them
separately
.

Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
gives us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
perspective about the way of life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
time periods.
Furthermore
, knowledge obtained from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
, enable us from repeating the mistakes of our ancestors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward.
For example
, having a glance at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
about world wars 1 and 2 during the years 1914-18 and 1939-45
respectively
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thinking how catastrophic they can be. The death toll was on an unimaginable scale, leaving corpses and destruction in its wake. All this massacre and genocide made everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "feels", "felt".
feel
scared and helpless in the face of such adversity which led to the formation of a peace treaty among nations and each is striving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such calamity from ever happening again. By incorporating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
into the school curriculum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in motivating young minds to stray away from the path of violence.

We are
literally
living in the golden age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and technological advancement.
Undoubtedly
, resources are
being pooled
into the
Possible spelling mistake found.
REASEARCH
and DEVELOPMENT departments, by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
creating lots of job opportunities. In order to compete and succeed in the world, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be well taught in the necessary areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, they are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
for their future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the primary concern of both the parents and schools is to offer most of the affordable time in teaching about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and technology to enhance their capabilities.
For example
, Data analysts are
being recruited
by the software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which are among one of the
highly
paid jobs all over the world and it seems rational on focusing teaching efforts to that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
rather
than teaching about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
long forgotten rulers.

In conclusion
, both views have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
' us learn from the mistakes of the past, while, focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
increases chances of having a successful career. In my opinion, balance between both the subjects can prove much more effective
instead
of, concentrating on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the one.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Education Job FairSaturday, October 9 9: 00 a. m. -12: 00 p. m. Washington CenterThe University of the Rockies has been offering our Placement Abroad Services for prospective teachers since 1980. This program is sponsored by the University of the Rockies&# v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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