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In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people think that this is because they are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.10

In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people think that this is because they are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. v. 10
The fact that a significant number of women are living without a spouse has ratcheted up public interest in what has been driving this change. Although some believe that being allowed to work outside the home to earn money is the driving factor behind it, the impact of being financially independent pales in comparison with that of the shift in social values that liberate women. Firstly, the freedom of choice, especially when it comes to marital choices, that women now enjoy has contributed much more to the change mentioned in the question than the financial factor. Traditionally, as soon as a girl reached matrimony age, her parents would arrange her marriage to shift the “burden” to other families or do so as a transaction in its most naked sense. This could be seen in the way single women aged twenty and over would be resented by their own parents and how they would be forced to marry “the highest bidder” without any regard to their feelings or wishes. Although the latter could provide them with financial security, given the choice, not many of them would have agreed to such a pre-arranged marriage, as we see in present-day society. To add further credence to my assertion, I note the shift away from the traditional role of women, as housewives. As they are now empowered to carry out the role of a breadwinner, many opt to stay single to pursue their career goals, rather than being confined to taking care of children and doing chores. Granted, this change in gender role underpins their financial independence, but primarily the time and effort dedicated to education and work often take women’s mind of the idea of getting married as they often feel that they do not have enough time to start and care for a family. This means that the financial factor is only a by-product of a wider social movement towards gender equality. In conclusion, being able to ensure their financial security is a manifestation of a wider change in our society that allows women to choose when and even whether to get married at all.
The fact that a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are living without a spouse has ratcheted up public interest in what has been driving this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to work outside the home to earn money is the driving factor behind it, the impact of being
financially
independent pales
in comparison
with that of the shift in social values that liberate women.

Firstly
, the freedom of choice,
especially
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to marital choices, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
enjoy has contributed much more to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
mentioned in the question than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
factor.
Traditionally
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as a girl reached matrimony age, her parents would arrange her marriage to shift the “burden” to other families or do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as a transaction in its most naked sense. This could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the way single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
aged twenty and over would
be resented
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
parents and how they would
be forced
to marry “the highest bidder” without any regard to their feelings or wishes. Although the latter could provide them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
security,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the choice, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to such a
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-arranged
marriage, as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in present-day society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
further
credence to my assertion, I note the shift away from the traditional role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, as housewives. As they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
empowered to carry out the role of a breadwinner,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opt to stay single to pursue their career goals,
rather
than
being confined
to taking care of children and doing chores. Granted, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in gender role underpins their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
independence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
primarily
the time and effort dedicated to education and work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
mind of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of getting married as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel that they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
and care for a family. This means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
factor is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a by-product of a wider social movement towards gender equality.

In conclusion
, being able to ensure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
security is a manifestation of a wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in our society that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to choose when and even whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married at all.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people think that this is because they are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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