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It is observed that some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released from the prison What do you think is the cause? How it can be solved? v.1

It is observed that some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released from the prison What do you think is the cause? How it can be solved? v. 1
Increasing rate of crime is a severe problem these days and ex-criminals’ contribution in committing criminal activities repeatedly is quite evident. I think these offences are disastrous to the society and should be treated meticulously by the government. The primary reason is, some accused are not getting proper justice due to many factors such as lack of evidences, unable to afford a good lawyer, conspiracy of the opponent and many more. In such cases, if they get imprisonment for a wrong allegation, it might lead frustration in them and they might come out of the bars to take revenge in the future. Next, a few criminals are psychologically sick and they could not comprehend the effects of crime in the society. What’s more, they are not afraid of imprisonment or any judicial punishment, which may lead to more murders, robberies, abuses in the society. To address these problems, the first and foremost step is psychological counselling so that the violent and anti-social tendencies in them can be removed. Indeed, criminals can get these educations inside the prison, if the accountable authorities seriously think about it and implement the same. Next, the judicial system should provide proper justice to the accused. In other words, the criminal case has to be assessed thoroughly before providing any punishment to the suspect. Moreover, government lawyers should be available to the people, who cannot afford private lawyers. In my opinion, these steps might reduce the intensity of the crimes done by the ex-criminals to some extent. In conclusion, I believe the reasons of criminals turn out to be a repetitive offenders is very clear and thereby, government should take necessary measures in this matter to diminish the crime rates by facilitating with an improved judicial system and counselling the prisoners in the right way.
Increasing rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a severe problem these days and ex-criminals’ contribution in committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities
repeatedly
is quite evident. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
are disastrous to the society and should
be treated
meticulously
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

The primary reason is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "(accused)"?
accused
are not getting proper justice due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors such as lack of evidences, unable to afford a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lawyer, conspiracy of the opponent and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. In such cases, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
imprisonment for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
allegation, it might lead frustration in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of the bars to take revenge in the future.
Next
, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are
psychologically
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sick and
they could not comprehend the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the society. What’s more, they are not afraid of imprisonment or any judicial punishment, which may lead to more murders, robberies, abuses in the society.

To address these problems, the
first
and foremost step is psychological counselling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the violent and anti-social tendencies in them can
be removed
.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these educations inside the prison, if the accountable authorities
seriously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it and implement the same.
Next
, the judicial system should provide proper justice to the accused.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
case
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be assessed
thoroughly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
providing any punishment to the suspect.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
lawyers should be available to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who cannot afford private lawyers. In my opinion, these steps might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the intensity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
done by the ex-criminals to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

In conclusion
, I believe the reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
turn out to be a repetitive
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "offender"?
offenders
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and thereby,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take necessary measures in this matter to diminish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates by facilitating with an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
judicial system and counselling the prisoners in the right way.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is observed that some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released from the prison What do you think is the cause? How it can be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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