Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Studies show that many criminals do not receive enough education. For this reason, people believe that the best ways to reduce crime is to educate them so they can find a job after being released. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Studies show that many criminals do not receive enough education. For this reason, people believe that the best ways to reduce crime is to educate them so they can find a job after being released. v. 1
Lack of education and employment opportunities are the main causes of the rising crime rate. Some people, therefore, feel that by simply educating prisoners, we can discourage them from committing crimes again after they get released from prison. I totally agree with this view. Almost nobody is born a criminal. Most criminals are victims of circumstances. In fact most of them come from the poor strata of the society and lack education. As a result they don’t have many employment opportunities. Many of them eventually become thieves or gangsters. By contrast, criminal tendencies are comparatively low among educated people. Educating convicted criminals in prison will certainly not erase their shoddy past. However, it improves their chances of finding employment once they get released. One of the biggest problems that ex-prisoners face is the lack of rehabilitation opportunities. The society prefers to keep them at an arm’s length and as such they have fewer opportunities for making a living once they complete their sentence. Unfortunately, this increases their chances of getting into crime again. Education may change the situation for good. If prisoners receive an opportunity to learn and acquire vocational or academic degrees from prison, they are more likely to find employment upon their release. When they have a secure job and a means of living, most people will not want to get into crime again. To conclude, education improves a person’s employability. Just because someone is a prisoner, it does not mean that they cannot learn or acquire degrees. In fact, educating prisoners is one of the best things we can do for their rehabilitation and successful induction into the society.
Lack of education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
are the main causes of the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
therefore
, feel that by
simply
educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
, we can discourage them from committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
again after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
released from prison. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

Almost nobody
is born
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are victims of circumstances. In fact most of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the poor strata of the society and lack education.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them
eventually
become thieves or gangsters. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
tendencies are
comparatively
low among educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Educating convicted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
in prison will
certainly
not erase their shoddy past.
However
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their chances of finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
released. One of the biggest problems that ex-prisoners face is the lack of rehabilitation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
. The society prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them at an arm’s length and as such they have fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for making a living once they complete their sentence. Unfortunately, this increases their chances of getting into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again.

Education may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the situation for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
receive an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to learn and acquire vocational or academic degrees from prison, they are more likely to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
upon their release. When they have a secure job and a means of living, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again.

To conclude
, education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
a person’s employability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
someone is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoner
, it does not mean that they cannot learn or acquire degrees. In fact, educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
is one of the best things we can do for their rehabilitation and successful induction into the society.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Studies show that many criminals do not receive enough education. For this reason, people believe that the best ways to reduce crime is to educate them so they can find a job after being released. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts