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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.3

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. 3
Being a good member to societies means that an individual respects to other people and obeys rules. Some people think that parents are the custodian who has all the responsibilities to educate their own children because school is where children acquire academic knowledge. However, in my opinion, both parents and teachers play an important role in a child's education. From the birth to the school begins, parents are the primary source that children learn from. During this time period, children will develop their personalities by imitating their parents' behaviours. Therefore, parents are responsible to demonstrate proper manners at home. In addition, parents should guide their children what they are expected to behave in the world. For example, we should never steal from others because this is unacceptable and immoral practice in any of societies, and we need to turn the volume down in public and to be polite when talking to someone. Not only parents, teachers at school also have influences on children. School is a microcosm of a big community where children start being socialized and establishing their interpersonal skills. At schools, kids will understand some social norms. For instance, a child will be taught to be punctual and arrive to classes on time, which will make them value other people's time even when they grown up. Moreover, through working with peers from a verity of backgrounds, children will learn to be empathic and know how to contribute. These are something that a child cannot really learn at home. To conclude, in order to educate children to be a valuable member to society, both parents and teachers have an indispensable role in shaping the character of children.
Being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
member to societies means that an individual respects to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and obeys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the custodian who has all the responsibilities to educate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
acquire academic knowledge.
However
, in my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in a child's education.

From the birth to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the primary source that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn from. During this time period,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will develop their personalities by imitating their parents'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible to demonstrate proper manners at home.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
what they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to behave in the world.
For example
, we should never steal from others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is unacceptable and immoral practice in any of societies, and we need to turn the volume down in public and to be polite when talking to someone.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, teachers at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
also
have influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
is a microcosm of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
community where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
being socialized
and establishing their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. At
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, kids will understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social norms.
For instance
, a child will
be taught
to be punctual and arrive to classes on time, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them value other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's time even when they grown up.
Moreover
, through working with peers from a verity of backgrounds,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn to be empathic and know how to contribute. These are something that a child cannot
really
learn at home.

To conclude
, in order to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be a valuable member to society, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers have an indispensable role in shaping the character of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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