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Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What is the cause? Possible solutions? v.4

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What is the cause? Possible solutions? v. 4
Prisons are not only facilities where criminals are incarcerated and deprived of their freedom, but the concept of imprisonment is also intended to rehabilitate the prisoners. However, many people re-offend once they are released. In this essay, I will discuss the main reason for this, namely the inability to find a job, and will also suggest solutions to this issue. Very few employees are willing to provide jobs for those with criminal records. This group of individuals has been shunned and discriminated against when it comes to employment. For example, the employer may fear that the convicted person will continue the malpractices and eventually cause loss to the company. Unfortunately, an unemployed ex-prisoner has a tough time making a living, and, in their desperation, they get into crime again. If employers were not so biased towards ex-convicts, our society would not have high reoffending rates. In my opinion, government intervention could possibly solve the problem of repeated offences. For instance, in the USA there is a growing trend toward hiring ex-offenders and felons, thanks to the program that was introduced by the American government. This program is aimed to lower the taxes for those companies that employ those who were recently released from prison. Moreover, ex-convicts are not able to get an education, since many schools and universities forbid that. I think, that more penal system should invest in educational programs. The great majority of incarcerated individuals do not have high school diplomas. Resources used for diploma and GED programs is money well spent in terms of lowering recidivism. Recent research has shown that the higher the degree, the lower the risk of returning to prison. In conclusion, many former prisoners repeatedly commit crimes, as they are unable to find any jobs, due to the prejudice among the majority of employers. However, these issues can be solved with the help of the government. The companies should be offered some tax cuts if they hire ex-convicts, as well as the prisoners, should be given the opportunity to receive an education. Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What is the cause? Possible solutions?
Prisons are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
facilities where criminals
are incarcerated
and deprived of their freedom,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the concept of imprisonment is
also
intended to rehabilitate the prisoners.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
re-offend once they
are released
. In this essay, I will discuss the main reason for this,
namely
the inability to find a job, and will
also
suggest solutions to this issue.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Very
few employees are willing to provide jobs for those with criminal records. This group of individuals has
been shunned
and discriminated against when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to employment.
For example
, the employer may fear that the convicted person will continue the malpractices and
eventually
cause loss to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Unfortunately, an unemployed ex-prisoner has a tough time making a living, and, in their desperation, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into crime again. If employers were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
biased towards ex-convicts, our society would not have high
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffending
rates.

In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
intervention could
possibly
solve the problem of repeated
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.
For instance
, in the USA there is a growing trend toward hiring ex-offenders and felons, thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
that
was introduced
by the American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
is aimed
to lower the taxes for those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that employ those who were recently released from prison.
Moreover
, ex-convicts are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an education, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools and universities forbid that. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, that more penal system should invest in educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. The great majority of incarcerated individuals do not have high school diplomas. Resources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for diploma and GED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
is money well spent in terms of lowering recidivism. Recent research has shown that the higher the degree, the lower the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of returning to prison.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
former prisoners
repeatedly
commit crimes, as they are unable to find any jobs, due to the prejudice among the majority of employers.
However
, these issues can
be solved
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should
be offered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tax
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
if they hire ex-convicts,
as well
as the prisoners, should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to receive an education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
criminals commit
further
crimes as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they
are released
from prison. What is the cause? Possible solutions?
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What is the cause? Possible solutions? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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