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It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
It is true that with recent advances in technology, it can be easy for the human to conquer vacant lands such as the south pole. While this trend can be beneficial to some extents, I believe that it has more drawbacks. On the one hand, there is a common belief that discovering remote areas can create positive influences on the human because of two major reasons. Firstly, travelling to remote natural environment plays an important role in collecting reliable data for science. For example, this data can help scientists properly explain some complex phenomenon such as El Nino, global warming or desertification. Secondly, because undiscovered habitats tend to hold great mysteries, it can receive special attention of a great number of tourists. As a result, this acts as a precursor so that the government can develop the tourism On the other hand, I would strongly endorse that those benefits are outweighed by drawbacks. The first supporting point for this view is that since visitors are likely to produce a large amount of untreated waste that can pollute water sources and harm the fauna and flora around isolated areas. This leads to the damage to the environment. Moreover, tourists and sciences can face serious danger when they conquer isolated areas. A clear illustration is that they can encounter dangerous wild animals or even they are in a situation without food in some days. In conclusion, while going to undiscovered areas can make beneficial impacts on the human, I believe that this tendency can be much more advantageous.
It is true that with recent advances in technology, it can be easy for the human to conquer vacant lands such as the
south pole
. While this trend can be beneficial to
some
extents, I believe that it has more drawbacks.

On the one hand, there is a common belief that discovering remote
areas
can create
positive
influences on the human
because
of two major reasons.
Firstly
, travelling to remote natural environment plays an
important
role in collecting reliable data for science.
For example
, this data can
help
scientists
properly
explain
some
complex phenomenon such as
El Nino
, global warming or desertification.
Secondly
,
because
undiscovered habitats tend to hold great mysteries, it can receive special attention of a great number of tourists.
As a result
, this acts as a precursor
so
that the
government
can develop the
tourism


On the other hand
, I would
strongly
endorse that those benefits
are outweighed
by drawbacks. The
first
supporting point for this view is that since visitors are likely to produce a large amount of untreated waste that can pollute water sources and harm the fauna and flora around isolated
areas
. This leads to the damage to the environment.
Moreover
, tourists and sciences can face serious
danger
when they conquer isolated
areas
. A
clear
illustration is that they can encounter
dangerous
wild animals or even they are in a situation without food in
some
days.

In conclusion
, while going to undiscovered
areas
can
make
beneficial impacts on the human, I believe that this tendency can be much more advantageous.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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