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It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.8

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 8
It is true that there are rising number of people who live alone or in small families in cities where extended families are becoming more and more rare. In my opinion, it is a negative trend. As families are getting smaller, family support, which is essential feature of traditional family unity, is disappearing, and this has negative effects on children. In small families, child care is an obstacle for parents since they both generally work in cities. Parents are forced to depend on babysitters, nannies, or they leave their kid alone if s/he is old enough and the child tries filling the absence of his/her parent with some time-killer activities, such as watching tv or playing computer, and these become the factors that the child is affected the most. There is no wonder that there is a positive correlation between behavioural problems among children and decline of extended families. Also, the trend toward living alone in big cities is even more damaging because of limited human interaction and its anticipated consequences. Individuals who live on their own have nobody to talk, so they cannot share the high and lows of their lives with another human being, so in time they become dependent on virtual stimulants such as social media, online streaming services. This leads to feelings of loneliness, isolation and even alienation, all of which factors are highly linked to psychological problems. This way of living increase the likelihood of developing psychological problems. In summary, I believe that the benefits of larger families outweigh especially when compared to living alone or in small families.
It is true that there are rising number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in cities where extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are becoming more and more rare. In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend.

As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are getting smaller,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
support, which is essential feature of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
unity, is disappearing, and this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on children. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, child care is an obstacle for parents since they both
generally
work in cities. Parents
are forced
to depend on babysitters, nannies, or they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their kid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
if s/he is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and the child tries
The usual prepositions to use after "filling" is 'with' not "the" Did you mean "filling the absence with"?
filling the absence of
his/her parent with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time-killer activities, such as watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
or playing computer, and these become the factors that the child is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the most. There is no wonder that there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
correlation between
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
problems among children and decline of extended families.

Also
, the trend toward living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities is even more damaging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of limited human interaction and its anticipated consequences. Individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
have nobody to talk,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot share the high and lows of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with another human being,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in time they become dependent on virtual stimulants such as social media, online streaming services. This leads to feelings of loneliness, isolation and even alienation, all of which factors are
highly
linked to psychological problems. This way of living increase the likelihood of developing psychological problems.

In summary, I believe that the benefits of larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
outweigh
especially
when compared to living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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