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It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Every person in the world wants to take a decision on his own and so does the children. Although a section of people argues that the young should not be allowed to make an opinion own their own as it may lead to self-centric society, the other section of the people encourages adolescences to take decision on things that affect them. This essay will discuss why children should be allowed to make decision on personal matters but with some restrictions. The society is composed of various age groups, preference of each group may be different. As all the fingers are not equal, the personal opinions, behaviours and preferences also vary. However, social decorum can be maintained if some basic rules are followed. For instance, older adults do not like loud music but juvenile love loud music. If we don't teach this manner to our young then this may lead to social disturbance. Hence, allowing every child to do as per his likeness every time will lead to adverse effect in the society. However, the minds of the young are very curious; they are eager to learn several things and experience on their own. If a child is given the upper hand to perform activity own his own, he may be able to learn more quickly. For example, in drawing class, when a young is given free access to paint whatever he wants, he can express his likeness on the particular form of drawing art, say animal art. If young one is bound to draw abstract art which is not his natural preference, his mind may be underdeveloped due to pressure. To conclude, although allowing children to perform as per their choices has few merits, the supervision of children's doing is also the most important to balance the social decorum.
Every person in the world wants to take a decision on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
does the children. Although a section of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argues that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an opinion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
as it may lead to self-centric society, the other section of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
encourages adolescences to take decision on things that affect them. This essay will discuss why children should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decision on personal matters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions.

The society
is composed
of various age groups, preference of each group may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. As all the fingers are not equal, the personal opinions,
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and preferences
also
vary.
However
, social decorum can
be maintained
if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
are followed
.
For instance
, older adults do not like loud music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
juvenile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
loud music. If we don't teach this manner to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
then this may lead to social disturbance.
Hence
, allowing every child to do as per his likeness every time will lead to adverse effect in the society.

However
, the minds of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
curious; they are eager to learn several things and experience on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. If a child is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the upper hand to perform activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, he may be able to learn more
quickly
.
For example
, in drawing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
free access to paint whatever he wants, he can express his likeness on the particular form of drawing art, say animal art. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
one
is bound
to draw abstract art which is not his natural preference, his mind may
be underdeveloped
due to pressure.

To conclude
, although allowing children to perform as per their choices has few merits, the supervision of children's doing is
also
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to balance the social decorum.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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