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It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
It is true that humans can now set foot in wild regions far away from civilisation. While I accept that this development can have certain benefits for the human race, I believe that it is likely to have a harmful impact on nature. On the one hand, undertaking expeditions to the wilderness can be valuable in terms of both science and recreation. There are a considerable number of undiscovered secrets that can be tremendously useful for researchers to conduct their studies. For instance, environmental scientists can analyse the data about the thickness of ice layers over millions of years in both hemispheres to predict the possible changes in global temperatures. Such findings are crucial for the governments to develop appropriate plans to alleviate global warming. Furthermore, the untouched beauty of these areas is usually appealing to travellers, providing people with an attractive option of holiday destination or excursion. However, I would argue that these positive aspects are outweighed by the drawbacks. When people are given full and easy access to the distant and unpopulated areas, there are likely to be more moving there to reside or start their business. It has been shown that substantial damage has been done to nature such as massive deforestation or water contamination due to humans’ lack of environmental awareness. If there is inadequate protection of the environment from this type of action, wild regions in the world will no longer exist, unspeakably affecting not only the overall ecology but also the lives of other people. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential dangers of travelling to wild environments are more significant than the possible benefits for the mentioned reasons.
It is true that humans can
now
set foot in wild regions far away from
civilisation
. While I accept that this development can have certain benefits for the human race, I believe that it is likely to have a harmful impact on nature.

On the one hand, undertaking expeditions to the wilderness can be valuable in terms of both science and recreation. There are a considerable number of undiscovered secrets that can be
tremendously
useful for researchers to conduct their studies.
For instance
, environmental scientists can
analyse
the data about the thickness of ice layers over millions of years in both hemispheres to predict the possible
changes
in global temperatures. Such findings are crucial for the
governments
to develop appropriate plans to alleviate global warming.
Furthermore
, the untouched beauty of these areas is
usually
appealing to
travellers
, providing
people
with an attractive option of holiday destination or excursion.

However
, I would argue that these
positive
aspects
are outweighed
by the drawbacks. When
people
are
given
full and easy access to the distant and unpopulated areas, there are likely to be more moving there to reside or
start
their business. It has
been shown
that substantial damage has
been done
to nature such as massive deforestation or water contamination due to humans’ lack of environmental awareness. If there is inadequate protection of the environment from this type of action, wild regions in the world will no longer exist,
unspeakably
affecting not
only
the
overall
ecology
but
also
the
lives
of other
people
.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the potential
dangers
of travelling to wild environments are more significant than the possible benefits for the mentioned reasons.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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