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It is no longer necessary that animals should be slaughtered and made into either human foodstuffs or non-foodstuffs, such as fur and medicine. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is no longer necessary that animals should be slaughtered and made into either human foodstuffs or non-foodstuffs, such as fur and medicine. v. 1
It is said that animals will be unnecessary to be used in many areas in the near future. In my opinion, although there are many ways by which animal products can be replaced, people will still need to use for food, clothing, and medical research. On the one hand, killing animals for any purposes is cruel and immoral, so governments and institutions should try to avoid slaughtering and using animals. Firstly, people can turn to eat vegetarian or alternative foods instead of meat. Besides, with the advancement of science, many studies about alternative foods which taste like meats but are still safe for people’s health have been being conducted, and many studies became successful. Secondly, in the clothing industry, using animals can be also minimized. For example, animals’ fur used for making clothes can be replaced by synthetic fur and synthetic silk which look as good as the real thing. Additionally, people should use clothes made by synthetic fur and synthetic silk instead of animals’ fur. Thirdly, today, scientists are also trying to limit the use of animals for research and trials. On the other hand, despite of efforts limiting the use of animals, people cannot completely stop using animals. Firstly, fish and meat are necessary for people in most meals with vitamins, minerals and proteins. In addition, alternative meat is usually expensive and not popular, and may not provide enough nutrition. Secondly, it is impossible to conduct medical studies without using animals. For instance, unless medical researchers conduct study about a new treatment method or a new medicine with trials on animals, it will be very dangerous to use the treatment method or medicine on humans. In conclusion, I believe that respecting animals’ right to live and limiting the use of animals for any purposes are good, but it is impossible to completely stop using animals.
It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will be unnecessary to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas in the near future. In my opinion, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways by which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
products can
be replaced
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
still
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for food, clothing, and medical research.

On the one hand, killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for any purposes is cruel and immoral,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and institutions should try to avoid slaughtering and using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can turn to eat vegetarian or alternative foods
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
.
Besides
, with the advancement of science,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
about alternative foods which taste like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meats
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
still
safe for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health have been
being conducted
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
became successful.
Secondly
, in the clothing industry, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can be
also
minimized.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fur
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for making clothes can
be replaced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
synthetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fur
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
synthetic
silk which look as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as the real thing.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
clothes made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
synthetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fur
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
synthetic
silk
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fur
.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, scientists are
also
trying to limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for research and trials.

On the other hand
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
efforts limiting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Firstly
, fish and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
are necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in most meals with vitamins, minerals and proteins.
In addition
, alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
is
usually
expensive and not popular, and may not provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
nutrition.
Secondly
, it is impossible to conduct medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
without using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For instance
, unless medical researchers conduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
about a new treatment method or a new medicine with trials on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the treatment method or medicine on humans.

In conclusion
, I believe that respecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and limiting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for any purposes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is impossible to completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay It is no longer necessary that animals should be slaughtered and made into either human foodstuffs or non-foodstuffs, such as fur and medicine. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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