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It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v.7

It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v. 7
Parenting is perhaps the greatest responsibility of our life and mistakes and wrong decisions can ruin a family as well as the future of a child. Since many young people become parents and the number of nuclear families is on the rise, many experts emphasize the importance of parenting courses for both fathers and mothers. I personally agree with this notion as I believe that such sessions would be immensely helpful. To begin with, proper parenting requires a great deal of knowledge and dedication. Sometimes minor negligence and lack of knowledge can lead to catastrophic outcomes. For instance, if busy parents forget to vaccinate a newborn, that would jeopardize the offspring’s life. Similarly, many parents, especially from the countryside, have silly superstitions that influence them to make bad choices. If those parents attend a course where experts share their opinions on different aspects of child fostering and right parenting, they would be highly benefitted. For example, my cousin Paula, who became a mother a few months ago believed that her child had a problem with digestion and need medical attention. However, it was revealed that the way she fed her daughter was not correct. I believe that a suitable course that brings out different aspects of upbringing a child, both moral and practical aspects, would save many unexpected situations for newly become parents. Moreover, the increasing trends of single parents and nuclear family lack the expert opinion of the grandparents, unlike the past. This is why the need for such parenting sessions has risen even more. Such sessions bring parents together, let them share their views, forms a social relationship and help people learn the real facts about their personal prejudices. This is a great way to educate to-be-parents and newly-become-parents learn more about practical aspects of parenting and in a broader sense make a better society. To conclude, being informed and educated parents is an important aspect to become good parents. Since parenting courses help people in a diverse way, it is indeed a good idea for people to participate in such courses.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parenting
is perhaps the greatest responsibility of our life and mistakes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decisions can ruin a family
as well
as the future of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the number of nuclear families is on the rise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experts emphasize the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
for both fathers and mothers. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion as I believe that such sessions would be
immensely
helpful.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
requires a great deal of knowledge and dedication.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
minor negligence and lack of knowledge can lead to catastrophic outcomes.
For instance
, if busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
forget to vaccinate a newborn, that would jeopardize the offspring’s life.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
especially
from the countryside, have silly superstitions that influence them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
choices. If those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
attend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
where experts share their opinions on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
fostering and right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
, they would be
highly
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
.
For example
, my cousin Paula, who became a mother a few months ago believed that her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
had a problem with digestion and need medical attention.
However
, it
was revealed
that the way she fed her daughter was not correct. I believe that a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
that brings out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of upbringing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, both moral and practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
, would save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unexpected situations for
newly
become parents.

Moreover
, the increasing trends of single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and nuclear family lack the expert opinion of the grandparents, unlike the past. This is why the need for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
sessions has risen even more. Such sessions bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
together,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them share their views, forms a social relationship and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn the real facts about their personal prejudices. This is a great way to educate to-be-parents and
newly
-become-parents learn more about practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
and in a broader sense
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better society.

To conclude
,
being informed
and educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
to become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Consider replacing "in a diverse way" with the adverb for "diverse"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a diverse way
, it is
indeed
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to participate in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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