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Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v.12

Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 12
School curriculums may vary from school to school but their primary objective is same everywhere - to educate and enlighten students. However, some people claim that school should focus more on job-oriented subjects rather than teaching traditional ones like arts and history. I personally disagree with this view and believe that traditional subjects are just as important as skill-oriented subjects are. To begin with, ‘job-oriented subject’ is itself an inexplicit term. Some would say that subjects that enhance practical skills like computing or gardening are job-oriented subjects but who can assure that all students in a class would become computer engineers and specialists in planting and gardening? No one can and that is why forcing pupils to study subjects that they do not feel interested in would bring catastrophic results. Furthermore, schools are meant to nurture young students’ creativity, foster their talent and open many windows of wisdom to let them explore their true interests. From this perspective, imposing job-related subjects is like killing the inner sole of the future generation. Finally, if schools can bring diversity among students and inform them about different perspectives of life, the students would themselves choose their career and outshine in future, there is no need to create a robotic generation with a particular skill only. Arts and history are as much important as any science and technical subjects are. The study of history empowers us to be prepared for the future and learn from our past mistakes. Similarly, arts and other traditional subjects allow us to learn to appreciate the life. We revere Van Gauge and Leonardo da Vinci as much as we admire Sir Isaac Newton and Einstein. The world needs great artists and historian no less than it needs scientists and technicians. To conclude, schools should equally focus on traditional subjects and skill oriented subjects and nurture students’ hidden potential to prepare the future generation to become leaders, not corporate slaves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
curriculums may vary from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their primary objective is same everywhere
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
to educate and enlighten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should focus more on job-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
rather
than teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
ones like arts and history. I
personally
disagree with this view and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, ‘job-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject’
is itself an
Possible spelling mistake found.
inexplicit
term.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that enhance practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like computing or gardening are job-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
who can assure that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
would become computer engineers and specialists in planting and gardening? No one can and
that is
why forcing pupils to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they do not feel interested in would bring catastrophic results.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are meant
to nurture young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
creativity, foster their talent and open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
windows of wisdom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them explore their true interests. From this perspective, imposing job-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is like killing the inner sole of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generation.
Finally
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can bring diversity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and inform them about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives of life, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would themselves choose their career and outshine in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, there is no need to create a robotic generation with a particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

Arts and history are as much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as any science and technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are. The study of history empowers us to
be prepared
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and learn from our past mistakes.
Similarly
, arts and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to learn to appreciate the life. We revere Van Gauge and Leonardo da Vinci as much as we admire Sir Isaac Newton and Einstein. The world needs great artists and historian no less than it needs scientists and technicians.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
equally
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and nurture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
hidden potential to prepare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generation to become leaders, not corporate slaves.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 12

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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