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Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v.13

Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 13
The proper curriculum for schools has become a matter of great concern as it directly influences the quality of education. Some people opine that academies should focus on job-oriented subjects that prepare pupils for a good career whereas others think that learners should be cognizant of their ancient path, tradition and heritage through learning arts and history besides their career preparation. This essay argues why it is necessary to emphasise on traditional subjects, which are just as important as employment-oriented skills. Many schools primarily concentrate on subjects that help students improve their skills and get ready for jobs. This is mainly due to the present competitive world where each one is struggling to be better than the other. So people assume that developing practical skills from a younger age will help students perform well in professional life. For instance, some schools in India have adopted certain subjects that focus mainly on attaining a medical degree and thereby become a better physician in the future. However, it is essential for students to learn history, arts and similar subjects along with the skill-oriented materials. Knowledge of culture and history allows student become leaders than becoming corporate robots. For instance, the contribution of an explorer, leader and social worker is no less than that of a doctor or an engineer. In conclusion, the primary objective of education is to prepare the young generation to build a better world through their diverse contributions, not just become money-making machines. This is why arts and history are as important as skill-related subjects are in the national education curriculum.
The proper curriculum for schools has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a matter of great concern as it
directly
influences the quality of education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that academies should focus on job-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that prepare pupils for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that learners should be cognizant of their ancient path, tradition and heritage through learning arts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
besides
their career preparation. This essay argues why it is necessary to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
on traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as employment-oriented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
schools
primarily
concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready for jobs. This is
mainly
due to the present competitive world where each one is struggling to be better than the other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assume that developing practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from a younger age will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
perform well in professional life.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools in India have adopted certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that focus
mainly
on attaining a medical degree and thereby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a better physician in the future.

However
, it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, arts and similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
along with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
-oriented materials. Knowledge of culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
leaders than becoming corporate robots.
For instance
, the contribution of an explorer, leader and social worker is no less than that of a doctor or an engineer.

In conclusion
, the primary objective of education is to prepare the young generation to build a better world through their diverse contributions, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
money-making machines. This is why arts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are in the national education curriculum.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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