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It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v. 1
Some people think that, parents should go to a mandatory awareness class to know, how to nurture their children to develop as a good citizen while others opine that, it is not necessary. This essay will discuss, why parents should attend classes that are taught, how to rear their wards. First of all, most of the parents do not have prior experience rearing a child. In other words, children should learn the moral values of life in order to grow as a good citizen. Moreover, Some guardians are unaware of the social situations and the ethical values. If they go to the training classes, they may learn good things and it reflects on their children too. For instance, the government of Kerala started a project in order to educate the parents of newborn babies and it is mandatory to attend that. Secondly, some parents have strong woes about their financial status. In detail, destitute often worries, how to pamper their child without proper money. This citizens could benefit from trainings and trainers inculcate them about the financial worries and that predispose them to gain confidence. In conclusion, I firmly believe that, new parents should be benefiting from training courses organised by the government and it helps them to minimize the financial burden and also they studied about the rearing patterns.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should go to a mandatory awareness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
to know, how to nurture their children to develop as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen while others opine that, it is not necessary. This essay will discuss, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should attend classes that
are taught
, how to rear their wards.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have prior experience rearing a child.
In other words
, children should learn the moral values of life in order to grow as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
guardians are unaware of the social situations and the ethical values. If they go to the training classes, they may learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things and it reflects on their children too.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Kerala
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a project in order to educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of newborn babies and it is mandatory to attend that.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have strong woes about their financial status. In detail, destitute
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
worries, how to pamper their child without proper money.
Did you mean "these"?
This
citizens could benefit from trainings and trainers inculcate them about the financial worries and that predispose them to gain confidence.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be benefiting from training courses
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to minimize the financial burden and
also
they studied about the rearing patterns.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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