Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v. 3
Being a parent is a great gift to the mankind. Some individuals believe that it is essential to attain a training on parenthood to raise their own young ones. I completely disagree with this notion and this essay explains reasons for the disagreement. Firstly, it is vital to spend some quality time with children. Parenting is more of an art rather than a science or a subject to study, one should allocate some time to understand their young one’s behaviour, requirements and also to induce moral values within them, and as a result, such children can be grown as wise citizens. To explain, when an investigation was preformed to study past of great personalities it was found that their foundation was stronger as their parents had spent some good time with them during their upbringing. Thus, though it is challenging to bring up children in today’s competitive world, the key to success is to invest some time. Another reason why such courses are not essential is because parents can make the right choices by themselves. Moreover, with access to the internet, parents can be self-educated by performing their own research to choose better schools, hospitals, extracurricular activities, etc. as per their beloved youngster’s criteria. To illustrate, it is reported by the UNICEF that, student attendance in schools is progressing well compared to the past as children are being healthier and enjoying their academics, this is because parents are able to understand their child’s requirement and thereby, are able to make suitable selections. Thus, though it costs some time, parents can themselves be instrumental in transforming their own children to great or disciplined human by choosing right options at the right time. To conclude, parenting is not a rocket science to attain special courses. It is undoubtedly overwhelming; However, it is sufficient for parents to spend some quality time and make wise decisions to succeed in parenthood.
Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is a great gift to the mankind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that it is essential to attain a training on parenthood to raise their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. I completely disagree with this notion and this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
reasons for the disagreement.

Firstly
, it is vital to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Parenting is more of an art
rather
than a science or a subject to study, one should allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to understand their young one’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, requirements and
also
to induce moral values within them, and
as a result
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be grown
as wise citizens. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, when an investigation
was preformed
to study past of great personalities it
was found
that their foundation was stronger
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them during their upbringing.
Thus
, though it is challenging
Did you mean "bringing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to bring
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s competitive world, the key to success is to invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time.

Another reason why such courses are not essential is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right choices by themselves.
Moreover
, with access to the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can be self-educated by performing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
research to choose better schools, hospitals, extracurricular activities, etc. as per their beloved youngster’s criteria. To illustrate, it
is reported
by the UNICEF that, student attendance in schools is progressing well compared to the past as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are being healthier and enjoying their academics, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are able to understand their child’s requirement and thereby, are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
suitable selections.
Thus
, though it costs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can themselves be instrumental in transforming their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to great or disciplined human by choosing right options at the right time.

To conclude
, parenting is not a rocket science to attain special courses. It is
undoubtedly
overwhelming;
However
, it is sufficient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wise decisions to succeed in parenthood.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts