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It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v. 2
For parents to be courses such as educating people about child upbringing plays a vital role. In my opinion I disagree with this statement due to the common fact which is, a short time study will enlighten the few procedures only but not the lifetime pragmatic decisions associated with kid’s future. Furthermore, this essay will discuss the reasons behind my disagreement in contrast of examples. To begin with, majority of the trainings that parents take these days are related to childbirth or pregnancy period. However, the actual parenting starts after the childbirth. There are many issues that will be bombarded towards the newly father and mother which a short-term course won’t be able to find fixes for. For example, a research in Harvard university published recently that many mothers take these classes only for the first-time pregnancy. On the other hand, others just learn process from their mother, friend or someone experienced in the family. Child’s brought up is very crucial time because it will reflect throughout his or her entire span of life. A parent task is to groom their kid to develop in this society and help them to make choices on their own. These decision makings situations are prompt which cannot be learned with the help of any bookish knowledge. For instance, in terms of teaching cultural norms and behavior towards other, guardians cannot learn these from a classroom activity because simply every family culture is different. Therefore, these values are delivered through generations either by parents or grandparents. In a nutshell, there are no hard and fast rule book or coaching classes that will teach a person how to be fathers or mothers however, pregnancy related courses are always helpful. As a result, it is not important or compulsory for everyone to entitled to take training.
For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be courses such as educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about child upbringing plays a vital role. In my opinion I disagree with this statement due to the common fact which is, a short time study will enlighten the few procedures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the lifetime pragmatic decisions associated with kid’s future.
Furthermore
, this essay will discuss the reasons behind my disagreement
in contrast
of examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the trainings that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
take these days
are related
to childbirth or pregnancy period.
However
, the actual parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
after the childbirth. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues that will
be bombarded
towards the
newly
father and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
which a short-term course won’t be able to find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixes
for.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Harvard university
published recently that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mothers take these classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
first
-time pregnancy.
On the other hand
, others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
learn process from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
, friend or someone experienced in the family.

Consider using the plural form here: "Childs".
Child’s
brought up is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will reflect throughout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
entire span of life. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
task is to groom their kid to develop in this society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
choices on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. These decision makings situations are prompt which cannot
be learned
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of any bookish knowledge.
For instance
, in terms of teaching cultural norms and behavior towards other, guardians cannot learn these from a classroom activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
simply
every family culture is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
Therefore
, these values
are delivered
through generations either by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or grandparents.

In a nutshell, there are no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
book or coaching classes that will teach a person how to be fathers or mothers
however
, pregnancy related courses are always helpful.
As a result
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
or compulsory for everyone to entitled to take training.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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