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These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Do you agree or disagree. v.5

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. v. 5
Television channels now tend to show violent content as to increase their channel ratings, which has led children to demonstrate immorality. I strongly agree with this statement as children nowadays show extremely aggressive behaviour by watching such programs which is certainly an alarming situation. To begin with, some people consider that the programs displaying aggressive content has nothing to do with the behaviour of children. It is solely the duty of parents to teach etiquettes to their children. Therefore, parents must accompany their children when they watch television and when any such program is broadcasted parents must guide their children to differentiate between the right and wrong attitude. For example, it has been observed that children who watch television under their parents' supervision are less likely to misbehave. Hence, it is thaught that it is the parental guidence that plays a vital role in moral development of children. However, I think it is impossible for parents to keep an eye on their children and sit along with them every time. Programs on television mostly show fierce acts like conflicts and abusive languages that attract the children most and due to this they have become too rude and violent. In addition, even the cartoons and animated movies contain fighting scenes or consistent bullying and teasing the peers which children try to copy. For instance, animated movies of superheroes show fighting and cartoons like doremon give an impression of fun by bullying others and it has been observed that children proudly imitate such attitudes and do not hesitate to tease others. In conclusion, I firmly believe that increased aggression in children is a consequence of watching violent programs which are now the part of almost every television channel.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
channels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
violent content as to increase their channel ratings, which has led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to demonstrate immorality. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
extremely
aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
by watching such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which is
certainly
an alarming situation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
displaying aggressive content has nothing to do with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is
solely
the duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to teach
Possible spelling mistake found.
etiquettes
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
accompany their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and when any such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
is broadcasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to differentiate between the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
attitude.
For example
, it has
been observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
under their parents' supervision are less likely to misbehave.
Hence
, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
thaught
that it is the parental
Possible spelling mistake found.
guidence
that plays a vital role in moral development of children.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and sit along with them every time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Programs
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
fierce acts like conflicts and abusive languages that attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
most and due to this they have become too rude and violent.
In addition
, even the cartoons and animated movies contain fighting scenes or consistent bullying and teasing the peers which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
try to copy.
For instance
, animated movies of superheroes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
fighting and cartoons like
Possible spelling mistake found.
doremon
give an impression of fun by bullying others and it has
been observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
proudly
imitate such attitudes and do not hesitate to tease others.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that increased aggression in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a consequence of watching violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the part of almost every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
channel.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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