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It is much more convenient to watching movie on television or computer than to buy ticket and going to the cinema. In the nearest future, the popularity of cinemas will drastically decline. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is much more convenient to watching movie on television or computer than to buy ticket and going to the cinema. In the nearest future, the popularity of cinemas will drastically decline. v. 2
It is an irrefutable fact that proliferated use of technology has impacted many sectors, and cinema is one of them. It is asserted by some people that in coming years, watching films in theaters would not be preferred choice of audience as it is very convenient to watch movies on television or from online resources. However, I disagree with this notion up to a large extent and intend to discuss my views in subsequent paragraphs. One the one hand, technology has made very easy and flexible to watch films. As a matter of fact, internet has been transforming world into global village, which further providing people with several options such as laptops and smartphones to enjoy movies from anywhere at any time. For instance, one can see many people engrossed in their electronic gadgets enjoying movies and TV series at bus stops and railways stations, while waiting for their buses and trains respectively. Thus, this type of new trend may refrain some people to visit theaters, especially busy ones. One the other hand, the prominent reason that cinema would remain in demand because of the unmatchable experience and pleasure watching films in an isolated environment. In fact, decision making factor is not utilization of free time, rather it is a matter of choice. To quote an example, watching movies at home on computer not only can be distracted due to the interference of family members, but also can be annoying due to the lack of sound effects and smaller screen. To fortify further, going to theaters allows people to spend family time. This is why many families consider it as sort of outing which strengthened the bond between companions. Not only this, shopping malls having cinemas provide opportunity to people to utilize their visit to buy household items and having a lunch or dinner together, which would not be possible, if people keep sticking with their electronic gadgets at home. Therefore, cinema cannot be replaced very easily. In conclusion, although it is possible to watch movies at home which may impact a small chunk of audience, yet theaters would remain popular in terms of better experience and having quality time with family. Technology and internet sources are addition in entertainment industry, but not replacement of theaters.
It is an irrefutable fact that proliferated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology has impacted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
is one of them. It
is asserted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that in coming years, watching films in theaters would not
be preferred
choice of audience as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on television or from online resources.
However
, I disagree with this notion up to a large extent and intend to discuss my views in subsequent paragraphs.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, technology has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy and flexible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films. As a matter of fact, internet has been transforming world into global village, which
further
providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with several options such as laptops and smartphones to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
from anywhere at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
engrossed in their electronic gadgets enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV series at bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
and railways stations, while waiting for their buses and trains
respectively
.
Thus
, this type of new trend may refrain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit theaters,
especially
busy ones.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, the prominent reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
would remain in demand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the unmatchable experience and pleasure watching films in an isolated environment. In fact,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
factor is not utilization of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
rather
it is a matter of choice. To quote an example, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at home on computer not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
be distracted
due to the interference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can be annoying due to the lack of sound effects and smaller screen.

To fortify
further
, going to theaters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
consider it as sort of outing which strengthened the bond between companions. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, shopping malls having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
provide opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to utilize their visit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
household items and
When we speak of types of meals, the article is not required: "having lunch".
having a lunch
or dinner together, which would not be possible, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
sticking with their electronic gadgets at home.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
cannot
be replaced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
.

In conclusion
, although it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at home which may impact a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
chunk of audience,
yet
theaters would remain popular in terms of better experience and having quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Technology and internet sources are addition in entertainment industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not replacement of theaters.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It is much more convenient to watching movie on television or computer than to buy ticket and going to the cinema. In the nearest future, the popularity of cinemas will drastically decline. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
376 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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