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It is much more convenient to watch a movie on television or computer than buy a ticket and go to the cinema. In the nearest future of the popularity of cinemas will drastically decline. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is much more convenient to watch a movie on television or computer than buy a ticket and go to the cinema. In the nearest future of the popularity of cinemas will drastically decline. v. 1
Over the past half-century, there has been a dramatic change in the cinema industry, owing to technological advancements. People can watch the latest movies and television shows on their smart phones and computers, in the comfort of their home. Some assert that the number of cinema goers will significantly reduce in the distant future due to the increased use of these devices. This essay sheds light on both viewpoints and will arrive at a conclusion. On one side of the argument, many ascertain that the cinema industry will continue to thrive in the years to come. This is probably because they believe watching a movie on the big screen is a completely different experience than watching it at home. For example, a recent survey conducted in India revelated that people in the 40 to 50 age group preferred to watch movies in the theatre rather than on their computer screen at home. On the contrary, some reckon that the popularity of cinemas will dramatically drop in the near future. This is mainly due to the surge of the technology industry all over the world. Nowadays, movies are available in multiple websites on the internet, and can be viewed with a simple click of a button. Moreover, these movies can be watched with no charge. In addition, entertainment apps such as Netflix have gained so much popularity among youngsters, majority of them prefer to sit at home and binge watch their favourite TV shows and movies. In fact, there are some directors in the UK who prefer releasing their movies to these apps than into theatres, as they believe they will gain more viewers using this method. To conclude, even though watching a movie in a cinema hall is a different experience, I believe that the art of cinema will drop down in the coming years, due to the drastic rise of technological innovations.
Over the past half-century, there has been a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
industry, owing to technological advancements.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
on their smart phones and computers, in the comfort of their home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
assert that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
goers will
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
in the distant future due to the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these devices. This essay sheds light on both viewpoints and will arrive at a conclusion.

On one side of the argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ascertain that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
industry will continue to thrive in the years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. This is
probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
screen is a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experience than watching it at home.
For example
, a recent survey conducted in India
Possible spelling mistake found.
revelated
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the 40 to 50 age group preferred to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
rather
than on their computer screen at home.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reckon that the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
will
dramatically
drop in the near future. This is
mainly
due to the surge of the technology industry all over the world. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are available in multiple websites on the internet, and can
be viewed
with a simple click of a button.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
with no charge.
In addition
, entertainment apps such as Netflix have gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much popularity among youngsters,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
them prefer to sit at home and binge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
directors in the UK who prefer releasing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
to these apps than into
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
, as they believe they will gain more viewers using this method.

To conclude
,
even though
watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
hall is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experience, I believe that the art of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
will
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "drop".
drop down
in the coming years, due to the drastic rise of technological innovations.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is much more convenient to watch a movie on television or computer than buy a ticket and go to the cinema. In the nearest future of the popularity of cinemas will drastically decline. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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