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It is more important for the government to spend money to improve internet access than to improve public transportation. v.1

It is more important for the government to spend money to improve internet access than to improve public transportation. v. 1
In the recent era, the majority of experiments performed worldwide includes animals. However, some people believe that they should not be exploited and live their life as freely as the humans, but others think that it is necessary to use them for medicinal research and others. In this essay, I will discuss both views and provide my opinion. Firstly, the animals is the one among many creatures living on planet earth. These creatures have every right to live their life in their own way. Humans for their own comfort, making use of these animals without realizing the ill effects they have on these animals. For example, in the modern era, where we have a plethora of technological developments, people in rural areas are still dependent on animals for transporting goods from one place to another. Same is the case with the agriculture, where these creatures are being used for agriculture despite of so many machines available. On the other side, the animals played very important role in the research of finding new drugs or finding life on other planets. A huge population of people is dependent on them for their survival, as in countries like Siberia, where the plantation is very less, people are using them as food. Furthermore, these wild creatures are the only option, while testing a new drug for a critical disease. To conclude, although animals are tortured by the humans to satisfy their requirements, but looking at the vast amount of uses, it is a very small amount to pay for the vast amount of benefits associated with it
In the recent era, the majority of experiments performed worldwide includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they should not
be exploited
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life as
freely
as the humans,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them for medicinal research
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.

In this essay, I will discuss both views and provide my opinion.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is the one among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
living on planet earth. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
have every right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way. Humans for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
comfort, making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
without realizing the ill effects they have on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For example
, in the modern era, where we have a plethora of technological developments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in rural areas are
still
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for transporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from one place to another. Same is the case with the agriculture, where these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for agriculture
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
machines available.

On the other side, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
played
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the research of finding new drugs or finding life on other planets. A huge population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is dependent on them for their survival, as in countries like Siberia, where the plantation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using them as food.
Furthermore
, these wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
option, while testing a new drug for a critical disease.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are tortured
by the humans to satisfy their requirements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
looking at the vast amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount to pay for the vast amount of benefits associated with it
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important for the government to spend money to improve internet access than to improve public transportation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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