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It is more important for the government to spend money on improving internet access than on public transportation. v.2

It is more important for the government to spend money on improving internet access than on public transportation. v. 2
We are living in a skeptical era, but although some faiths in which our forefathers fervently believed have weakened, the belief that Internet plays an extremely important role in our society has never changed. So, as long as the issue that whether government’s budget should focus on Internet access improvement is involved, many citizens tend to agree with that. However, I, with more discretion, insist that we can ill afford to take this matter once for all since areas with different economic status should be taken into account. Without doubt, by no means should we neglect the fact that in some cases improving internet access enables people to collect different sources more conveniently, especially when it comes to advanced cities. Most of those cities are well-developed in transportation, medical and health care system and people living there enjoy a physically satisfactory life. So, little utility will entail if more money is spent on constructing better transiting system according to Utility Theory in economics. However, metropolis citizens are likely to put more attention to improving themselves by taking online courses or broaden their horizons by viewing news across the world. Therefore, only by providing them with better websites, can citizens with such demand be satisfied, which eventually increase welfare of the whole society. Hangzhou, one of the wealthiest cities in China, serves a good example to the point. Since ten years ago, the local government has launched a program with the aim to provide more stable Internet service with higher speed. According to a survey which was been done last year, the native citizens admitted that they had better resources for self-improvement and felt more easy to fulfill their demand. To my knowledge, despite the truth that offering more various and stable online resources benefit more than improving public transportation, it is irrational to take it for granted particularly for rural areas. Native villagers there rarely have advanced education and most probably have no idea what Internet is. They depend mainly on farming and live from hand to mouth. Sadly, they suffer from limited resources and bounded income because poor transportation systems eliminate trade opportunities with the outside world. However, if highways were built, local agricultural products could be traded to urban areas with higher prices, which would definitely accumulate more wealth for the whole area. Liangnong, a rural mountain village which I visited last year, vividly draws to this point. Before roads were built in the village, people there were extremely poor and led an almost primitive life. Luckily, thanks to government policy to improve public transportation there, now they directly benefit from selling commodity in higher price and buying products in lower price, i. e. comparative advantages. What is more, hundreds of tourists like me come to go sightseeing there, which brings a large fortune for this beautiful town. For the aforementioned analyses, we can safely come to the conclusion that the statement is biased. For well-developed areas, Internet access deserves more money from government. However, taking rural places into consideration, it can be easily seen that the statement is over-generalized.
We are living in a skeptical era,
but
although
some
faiths in which our forefathers
fervently
believed have weakened, the belief that Internet plays an
extremely
important
role in our society has never
changed
.
So
, as long as the issue that whether
government’s
budget should focus on Internet access improvement
is involved
,
many
citizens
tend to
agree
with that.
However
, I, with more discretion, insist that we can ill afford to take this matter once for all since
areas
with
different
economic status should
be taken
into account.

Without doubt, by no means should we neglect the fact that in
some
cases improving internet access enables
people
to collect
different
sources more
conveniently
,
especially
when it
comes
to advanced cities. Most of those cities are well-developed in
transportation
, medical and health care system and
people
living there enjoy a
physically
satisfactory life.
So
,
little
utility will entail if more money
is spent
on constructing better transiting system according to Utility Theory in economics.
However
, metropolis
citizens
are likely to put more attention to improving themselves by taking online courses or broaden their horizons by viewing news across the world.
Therefore
,
only
by providing them with better websites, can
citizens
with such demand
be satisfied
, which
eventually
increase welfare of the whole society. Hangzhou, one of the wealthiest cities in China, serves a
good
example to the point. Since ten years ago, the local
government
has launched a program with the aim to provide more stable Internet service with higher speed. According to a survey which
was been
done last year, the native
citizens
admitted that they had better resources for self-improvement and felt more easy to fulfill their demand.

To my knowledge, despite the truth that offering more various and stable online resources benefit more than improving public
transportation
, it is irrational to take it for granted
particularly
for rural
areas
. Native villagers there rarely have advanced education and most
probably
have no
idea
what Internet is. They depend
mainly
on farming and
live
from hand to mouth.
Sadly
, they suffer from limited resources and bounded income
because
poor
transportation
systems eliminate trade opportunities with the outside world.
However
, if highways
were built
, local agricultural products could
be traded
to urban
areas
with higher prices, which would definitely accumulate more wealth for the whole
area
.
Liangnong
, a rural mountain village which I visited last year,
vividly
draws to this point.
Before
roads
were built
in the village,
people
there were
extremely
poor and led an almost primitive life. Luckily, thanks to
government
policy to
improve
public
transportation
there,
now
they
directly
benefit from selling commodity in higher price and buying products in lower price,
i. e.
comparative advantages.
What is more
, hundreds of tourists like me
come
to go sightseeing there, which brings a large fortune for this
beautiful
town.

For the aforementioned analyses, we can
safely
come
to the conclusion that the statement
is biased
. For well-developed
areas
, Internet access deserves more money from
government
.
However
, taking rural places into consideration, it can be
easily
seen
that the statement is over-generalized.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important for the government to spend money on improving internet access than on public transportation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
512 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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