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26. Do you agree with the statement that the opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important for the young people than they are to the older people? v.2

26. that the opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important for the young people than they are to the older people? v. 2
This is undeniable that some young people tend to trust their favorable celebrities. Older people have a wider mind than young people do, therefore they have less tendency toward celebrities and they make their choice based on experiences that got during their life. Personally, I think young people can easily affected by their favorable celebrities. - To begin with, famous people have many fans who follow them without thinking. They tend to imitate the behavior and life style of their favorable celebrity. Young people have a limited perspective toward the life and they think that following life style and belief of famous people would help them to make a better life for themselves. Unfortunately, in my country we faced with such problem in the last election. Most people followed the celebrities and voted to a wrong person who ruined the economy of the country. In my opinion, famous people are not always wise persons. We all know that many of politician or producer use celebrities to influence people and thus all famous people are not reliable. Moreover, opinions of famous people are not always right and make many mistakes in their lives. - On the other hand, older people have experienced different things in their life and thus they make their decisions based on their experiences. Experience is the best teacher of human and people cannot learn many things without experiencing them. In comparison to young children, older people have a wider horizon. They can see things from different point of views and thus they can make better choices than that of youngsters. In conclusion, I believe that the attitudes and belief of famous people is more effective on younger people. As young people have less experiences they tend to follow the celebrities, while older people make their choices based on their experiences. Regarding to their age, people who have an organized plan for their lives do not follow any opinion without considering it.
This is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to trust their favorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a wider mind than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do,
therefore
they have less tendency toward
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
celebrities and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their choice based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their favorable celebrities.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fans who follow them without thinking. They tend to imitate the behavior and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style of their favorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a limited perspective toward the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style and belief of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for themselves. Unfortunately, in my country we faced with such problem in the last election. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
followed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and voted to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
person who ruined the economy of the country. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not always wise persons. We all know that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of politician or producer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
thus
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not reliable.
Moreover
, opinions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not always right and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mistakes in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
thus
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their decisions based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Experience
is the best teacher of human and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things without experiencing them.
In comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a wider horizon. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
things from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of views and
thus
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
better choices than that of youngsters.

In conclusion
, I believe that the attitudes and belief of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is more effective on younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun experiences is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
they tend to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their choices based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
their age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have an organized plan for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
do not follow any opinion without considering it.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay 26. that the opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important for the young people than they are to the older people? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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