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It is more important for students to study history and literature than it is for them to study science and mathematics. v.1

It is more important for students to study history and literature than it is for them to study science and mathematics. v. 1
Many people believe that students should give more attention to the subjects of history and literature rather than mathematic or science. I personally disagree with the statement, as I believe that all subjects that are taught in school are important and the following paragraphs will explain some of the reasons in details. Firstly, it is a fact that all subjects that are delivered at school are important. All the subjects that are thought in school will be useful for students when they grow up, even though each student will be a specialised in some specific subject. For example, although a student might become a history teacher in the future, it is essential for him/ her to learn about mathematic and economics as well. Since as a teacher, he/ she will be given other tasks besides tutoring such as preparing the expenditure budget of his class for one year and that require some accounting and calculation skills. Secondly, it is obvious that all individuals have their own different talent. Some students may have a personal interest in studying in English literature while others might have the passion in learning physical science. And if the school only focus on studying two or three particular subjects such as literature or history, then it would be unfair for students who have the passion in mathematic or science. In conclusion, I do not agree that school should emphasise more on the subjects of history and literature than mathematics or science. I do believe that schools should teach each of the subjects proportionately since all of the subjects are beneficial for the students. Besides that, each of the students has his own different talent, therefore school cannot enforce students to focus studying some specific subject only.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should give more attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
rather
than mathematic or science. I
personally
disagree with the statement, as I believe that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that
are taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and the following paragraphs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Firstly
, it is a fact that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that
are delivered
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will be useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when they grow up,
even though
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will be a
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
For example
, although a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
might become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
teacher in the future, it is essential for him/ her to learn about mathematic and economics
as well
. Since as a teacher, he/ she will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
other tasks
besides
tutoring such as preparing the expenditure budget of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
for one year and that require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
accounting and calculation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Secondly
, it is obvious that all individuals have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
talent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may have a personal interest in studying in English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
while others might have the passion in learning physical science. And if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on studying two or three particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, then it would be unfair for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have the passion in mathematic or science.

In conclusion
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
more on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
or science. I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should teach each of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
proportionately
since
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Besides
that, each of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
talent,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
cannot enforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to focus studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay It is more important for students to study history and literature than it is for them to study science and mathematics. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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