Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is more important for school children to study local history than international history. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is more important for school children to study local history than international history. v. 1
Diverging opinions have been voicing over the history syllabus for school kids in recent decades. While many advocates that world history topics should be more focused, other present arguments put forward in favor of the history of their homeland. Personally, I am of the latter idea due to two reasons. Firstly, international history knowledge may be important to some extent in children’s life later on; however, studying about local events and people is of more prominence as it initially builds up a strong sense of belonging among them. Obviously, students are inclined to acquire information about the history of their region in greater enjoyment compared to being delivered lessons of foreign past events and names. Subsequently, they gradually gain sufficient understanding of how earlier generations formed and developed their hometown; as a result, they will treasure today life and are grateful to historically well-known figures among their community. In addition, teaching children about local history is, indeed, to familiarize them with local identities and cultural heritage; therefore, they are likely to be proud of their origins, insusceptible to cultural cringe and then become responsible citizens. Secondly, in comparison to world history lessons, local history ones impart better direct knowledge of history to school children. In fact, children are normally exposed to local names and events through parenting at a young age. During traditional holidays and community festivals or through bedtime stories and lullabies, pupils unconsciously learn local history; therefore, they tend to swiftly embrace the historic details of their homeland when receiving formal history education. Furthermore, because of geographical proximity, schoolchildren have more opportunities to cement their local history knowledge by frequently paying a visit to historical sites in the vicinity. From what has been analyzed, it is my firm belief that local history lessons are more imperative for students than international history ones thanks to the solid background in history and cultural awareness they facilitate.
Diverging opinions have been voicing over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
syllabus for school kids in recent decades. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advocates that world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
topics should be more focused, other present arguments put forward in favor of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of their homeland.
Personally
, I am of the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
due to two reasons.

Firstly
, international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
knowledge may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life later on;
however
, studying about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
of more prominence as it
initially
builds up a strong sense of belonging among them.
Obviously
, students
are inclined
to acquire information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of their region in greater enjoyment compared to
being delivered
lessons of foreign past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and names.
Subsequently
, they
gradually
gain sufficient understanding of how earlier generations formed and developed their hometown;
as a result
, they will treasure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
life and are grateful to
historically
well-known figures among their community.
In addition
, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is,
indeed
, to familiarize them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
identities and cultural heritage;
therefore
, they are likely to be proud of their origins, insusceptible to cultural cringe and then become responsible citizens.

Secondly
,
in comparison
to world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
lessons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
ones impart better direct knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
normally
exposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
names and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
through parenting at a young age. During traditional holidays and community festivals or through bedtime stories and lullabies, pupils
unconsciously
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
;
therefore
, they tend to
swiftly
embrace the historic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of their homeland when receiving formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
education.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of geographical proximity, schoolchildren have more opportunities to cement their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
knowledge by
frequently
paying a visit to historical sites in the vicinity.

From what has
been analyzed
, it is my firm belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
lessons are more imperative for students than international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
thanks to the solid background in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and cultural awareness they facilitate.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important for school children to study local history than international history. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts