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It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history. v. 2
In the past, the conventional system of each family of eating meals was sitting and dining on the table. However, these days, the tendency of eating a meal has changed, and people prefer to have food separately. There are lots of reasons which affects our relationship. First and foremost, nowadays, people are maintaining a hectic schedule in the workplace, which considers as the main reason why family members are unable to dine together. The reality of each person, in modern time, is that they work outside of their houses, which may be very far from the office. Eventually, they get neither time to go home, nor any time to eat together with the family. For example, studies have shown that since most of the employers in the USA get a little time to fulfil their belly, they can not go home within a short time. This, invariably, leads them to take fast food which could be finished just having 4 or 5 bites. Therefore, people work strenuously hard at the office so that they are unable to go home, which makes them impossible to eat meals with relatives. The influence of absence, in the dining table, is a very negative one. The reason is that when one of the family members is not present, he/she is unable to share his/her feelings, gloominess, and even hilarious moment outside the home such as in schools, offices, and with friends. For instance, when the individual does not dine with his parents even in mealtime, this, eventually, detaches them from the family members. As a result, since he is isolated from family, he would face a psychosomatic problem. Thus, dining, at the same table, has some positive impacts on individuals. In conclusion, gone are those days when people dine together. This is because people are dealing with a busy routine which leads them in the condition of isolation due to unable to share the information of their lives with other family members.
In the past, the conventional system of each
family
of eating meals was sitting and dining on the table.
However
, these days, the tendency of eating a meal has
changed
, and
people
prefer to have food
separately
. There are lots of reasons which affects our relationship.

First
and foremost, nowadays,
people
are maintaining a hectic schedule in the workplace, which considers as the main reason why
family
members
are
unable
to dine together. The reality of each person, in modern
time
, is that they work
outside of
their
houses
, which may be
very
far from the office.
Eventually
, they
get
neither
time
to go home, nor any
time
to eat together with the
family
.
For example
, studies have shown that since most of the employers in the USA
get
a
little
time
to fulfil their belly, they can not go home within a short
time
. This,
invariably
, leads them to take
fast
food which could
be finished
just
having 4 or 5 bites.
Therefore
,
people
work
strenuously
hard
at the office
so
that they are
unable
to go home, which
makes
them impossible to eat meals with relatives.

The influence of absence, in the dining table, is a
very
negative
one. The reason is that when one of the
family
members
is not present, he/she is
unable
to share his/her feelings, gloominess, and even hilarious moment outside the home such as in schools, offices, and with friends.
For instance
, when the individual does not dine with his parents even in mealtime, this,
eventually
, detaches them from the
family
members
.
As a result
, since he
is isolated
from
family
, he would face a psychosomatic problem.
Thus
, dining, at the same table, has
some
positive
impacts on individuals.

In conclusion
, gone are those days when
people
dine together. This is
because
people
are dealing with a busy routine which leads them in the condition of isolation due to
unable
to share the information of their
lives
with other
family
members
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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