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The student should live with parents or live away when studying at university. Agree or disagree? v.1

The student should live with parents or live away when studying at university. Agree or disagree? v. 1
Some students prefer to live with their family when pursuing tertiary education, others; however, believe that it is better to accommodate independently than relying on their parents. As from my perspective, living in the same house with our parents is a better option for the students when studying at the university; nevertheless, the other option is also an appropriate choice for those scholars. One the one hand, living together with their families conduces enormous advantages to the students. Firstly, because they live with their parents so there will be no additional accommodation fee. It is more economical compared to those who study in a different place with their family. Furthermore, the parents can take care of their children in their daily life so the students will less likely confront the dangerous or unfavourable situations. For example, if a student gets an illness and sick, her or his parents can take them to the hospital right away. Additionally, the parents can control their children behaviour or routine either prevent them from harmful activities and negative influence. On the other hand, studying and living apart from the family also showed some significant benefits to the student. Learners who experience collegiate life far away from their parents tend to be more independent, mature and responsible than the others; and, these traits are extremely necessary for prospective career opportunities. Additionally, those who can live well independently also possess the management ability which showed by how they managed their budget, time and friends without the help of their parents. Another benefit is that these students are more open to forming new friendships and, interestingly, the students and his or her friends can exchange each other's knowledge, collaborate together and help each other research at the class. In the end, these cooperations help the students to earn better marks in class and give them essential traits for a future career. In conclusion, I believe each option bring different effects to the student and, the result depends chiefly on the student.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
when pursuing tertiary education, others;
however
, believe that it is better to accommodate
independently
than relying on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. As from my perspective, living in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is a better option for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when studying at the university;
nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
option is
also
an appropriate choice for those scholars.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, living together with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
conduces enormous advantages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there will be no additional accommodation fee. It is more economical compared to those who study in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can take care of their children in their daily life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will less likely confront the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
situations.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
an illness and sick, her or his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can take them to the hospital right away.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can control their children
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
or routine either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from harmful activities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, studying and living apart from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. Learners who experience collegiate life far away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to be more independent, mature and responsible than the others; and, these traits are
extremely
necessary for prospective career opportunities.
Additionally
, those who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
well
independently
also
possess the management ability which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
by how they managed their budget, time and friends without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Another benefit is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more open to forming new friendships and,
interestingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
friends can exchange each other's knowledge, collaborate together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
research at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, these cooperations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to earn better marks in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and give them essential traits for a future career.

In conclusion
, I believe each option bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
effects to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and, the result depends
chiefly
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay The student should live with parents or live away when studying at university. Agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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