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It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation v.1

It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation v. 1
In today' s modern world, the investing money in each society is a controversial issue among all strata of people in community in general, and among government in particular. Since money is limited, hence the budgeting of it should be implemented carefully. while some people believe that governments had better spend money on public transportation improvement, I personally believe that governments should invest money on the Internet access. I feel this way for some conspicuous reasons which are pinpointed in the following. To begin with, the burgeoning of each society depends on its people' s literacy and knowledge directly. Since knowledge plays a pivotal role in implementing breakthrough and inventing cutting edge device, developing the educational culture of the people. The internet makes an increasingly important contribution to access the pure knowledge and getting information, especially for university students. By having access the internet, students can easily search through the internet, get much more information from all over the world, where top universities do striking research. Even students can easily connect with other students or professors and collaborate with each other. Secondly, facilitating the internet access leads to economic growth improvement of the society. Since the internet facilitate business transaction through the world. In order to illustrate my point I would like to provide more fact and information. Companies can make connections with other companies in order to buy raw materials for their plant and factories, the wheels of the industries start to revolve, and plants start to work more and more. Hence there will be more job opportunities in the country. Furthermore, the company not only can sell its production in its own country, but also can sell them through the whole world; thereby the economic situation of the country will improve. By doing so people enjoys the high and decent standard of living rather than before. While spending money on public transportation does not bring such values. In conclusion, by taking account all the above reasons and many others, I strongly believe that government should invest money on the internet access rather than public transportation. Not only does the internet bring economic growth, but it also leads to improvement the knowledge of society.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s modern
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world
, the investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is a controversial issue among all strata of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in community
in general
, and among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in particular
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is limited
,
hence
the budgeting of it should
be implemented
carefully
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
had better spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on public transportation improvement, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
. I feel this way for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conspicuous reasons which
are pinpointed
in the following.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the burgeoning of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
depends on its
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s literacy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
directly
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
plays a pivotal role in implementing breakthrough and inventing cutting edge device, developing the educational culture of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
contribution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
the pure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and getting information,
especially
for university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. By having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
easily
search through the internet,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much more information from all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, where top universities do striking research. Even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
easily
connect with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
or professors and collaborate with each other.

Secondly
, facilitating the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
leads to economic growth improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
the internet facilitate business transaction through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. In order to illustrate my point I would like to provide more fact and information.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
connections with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
raw materials for their plant and factories, the wheels of the industries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to revolve, and plants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to work more and more.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
there will be more job opportunities in the country.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can sell its production in its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can sell them through the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
; thereby the economic situation of the country will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
enjoys
the high and decent standard of living
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on public transportation does not bring such values.

In conclusion
, by taking account all the above reasons and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
rather
than public transportation. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does the internet bring economic growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
leads to improvement the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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