Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

TPO 49- Independent writingDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily. v.2

TPO 49- Independent writing The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily. v. 2
In the modern era, friends are of great importance because if you live lonely, you would be very upset and the world become very sad to continue living in it. On of the most controversial question regarding this point is if maintaining friendship with a small group of people for a long time would bring happiness or making new friends easily is more essential to live a happy life. In my perspective, finding many new friends every time can give more joy for few reasons which I will elaborate more. First, making new friends broaden your connection with a wider range of people. Nowadays, it is crucial to have a good career that earns you a lot of money. Some of the jobs are related to having connection with people and every time that you meet a new person, you can receive more money from adding him/her to your social zone and more money means more happiness in your life. For example, in the job of network marketing, the most basic need to flourish in that work is to have more member in your group, so you can sell more product to a larger number of people. Furthermore, new friends can tell you more fun stories. Whenever a new person talks to you, the person would retell or talk about something about his perivous knowledge on a subject or an experience he had in past. The new stories that you hear can be very interesting because you may have never heard something like that before, and you can retell the same event to other people to look like a fun person that have a lot of experience. This adds up to your prestige and position in society. Finally, being friend with someone for a long period of time can be exhusting. Imagine you see the same guy over and over for years in every weekend. Eventually, you get tired of the repeatition and you seek a new face to talk to. It doesn' t matter if the person is your close friend or not, you hate every action he or she does because you both have witnessed or talked about every matter long time ago. According to a survey conducted in our school, most of the fights in the school happen amoung those people who have been friend more than three years. It is very rare that a relation between two person persists untill the end of highschool. To wrap it up, based on what was mentioned before, in search of happiness, I highly recommend to make new friends in order to earn more money through your connections. This action not only opens a new storage of new stories and experience but also prevents you from fighting with your old fellows.
In the modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are of great importance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
lonely, you would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
upset and the world become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sad to continue living in it.
Did you mean "one"?
On
of the most controversial question regarding this point is if maintaining friendship with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
would bring happiness or making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
easily
is more essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life. In my perspective, finding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can give more joy for few reasons which I will elaborate more.

First
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
broaden your connection with a wider range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nowadays, it is crucial to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career that earns you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
jobs
are related
to having connection with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, you can receive more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from adding him/her to your social zone and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
means more happiness in your life.
For example
, in the job of network marketing, the most basic need to flourish in that work is to have more member in your group,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can sell more product to a larger number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you more fun stories. Whenever a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
talks to you, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would retell or talk about something about his
Possible spelling mistake found.
perivous
knowledge on a subject or an experience he had
Did you mean: "in the past"?
in past
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
stories that you hear can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you may have never heard something like that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and you can retell the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to look like a fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
up to your prestige and position in society.

Finally
, being
Consider using a past participle here: "friended".
friend
with someone for a long period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
exhusting
. Imagine you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the same guy over and over for years in every weekend.
Eventually
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
repeatition
and you seek a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
face to talk to. It
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t matter if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is your close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
or not, you hate every action he or she does
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you both have witnessed or talked about every matter long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
ago. According to a survey conducted in our school, most of the fights in the school happen
Possible spelling mistake found.
amoung
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
more than three years. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rare that a relation between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
persists
Possible spelling mistake found.
untill
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
.

To wrap it up, based on what
was mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, in search of happiness, I
highly
recommend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in order to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
through your connections. This action not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
opens a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
storage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
stories and experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
you from fighting with your
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
fellows.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 49- Independent writing The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
461 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts