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It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours v.2

It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours v. 2
It is critically important for us to enjoy anything what we do. Working for three days a week for long hours helps us to utilize the rest of the week days for ourselves, and so it is preferable to have a three days work week instead of five days week for shorter hours. To begin with, three days work week enables us to spend more quality times with our families, which increases the family bonding. Working for three days will help us to have us to get two more extra whole days to pass our times with family members. Conseqently, we may go on long tour during those days which would help us to increase the linkage of us with other family memers of our family. On the other hand, five days work week provides only two days to rest which is not sufficient enough to pass a quality time with our dear ones. I can share my own experience in this matter. Five years ago, I had worked for a company which had three days work week, which means the employes had to work for longer hours during those days. Me and my colleagues found it quite enjoyable as we were offered long weekends. In those long weekends I used to go for hiking with my family to the hilly regions of our country; during summer times me and my family used to go to the sea beaches. Those times helped me to refresh my minds and to pass more times with the family members. Without that kind of long weekend it would not be possible for me to increase my bonding with the family members. Secondly, three days work week helps companies to flourish as it increases the efficency of the employees. We need rest after an intense period of working; a break from the work helps the workers to refresh their mind. Without sufficient amont of rest workers would soon become inefficient. For example, my brother now works as a software engineer in a company which has three days work week. Thus he has enough to time to recover his energy by resting at home during those weekends. Then when he goes office againg after the weekends he can do jobs in a freshmind with more efficiency. Becasue of his brilliance and efficiencey the company has expanded a lot in the software field. It has made a lot of profit and is doing far better comapred to its competitors who have five days work week plan. Enjoyment is the most vital thing while doing any work. Three days work week gives employees the opportunity to pass more time with their families, and also help the company to flourish as it increases the efficiency of the workers.
It is
critically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for us to enjoy anything what we do. Working for three days a
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week
for
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long
hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us to utilize the
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rest
of the
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week
days for ourselves, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is preferable to have a three days
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work
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week
instead
of five days
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week
for shorter hours.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, three days
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work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
enables us to spend more quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding. Working for three days will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to have us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
two more extra whole days to pass our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Conseqently
, we may go on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
tour during those days which would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the linkage of us with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Possible spelling mistake found.
memers
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
On the other hand
, five days
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work
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week
provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two days to
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rest
which is not sufficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to pass a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with our dear ones. I can share my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience in this matter. Five years ago, I had worked for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which had three days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, which means the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "employs", the plural form of the noun 'employ'?
employes
had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for longer hours during those days.
When referring to yourself and somebody else, put their name first. Also check whether the nominative form "I" is required here.
Me
and my colleagues found it quite enjoyable as we
were offered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
. In those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go for hiking with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to the hilly regions of our country; during summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
me and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go to the sea beaches. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to refresh my minds and to pass more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Without that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekend
it would not be possible for me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
my bonding with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

Secondly
, three days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to flourish as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
efficency
of the employees. We need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
after an intense period of working; a break from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the workers to refresh their mind. Without sufficient
Possible spelling mistake found.
amont
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
workers would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
become inefficient.
For example
, my brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
works as a software engineer in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which has three days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
he has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to recover his energy by resting at home during those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
. Then when he goes office
Possible spelling mistake found.
againg
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
he can do jobs in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
freshmind
with more efficiency.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Becasue
of his brilliance and
Possible spelling mistake found.
efficiencey
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has expanded a lot in the software field. It has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
profit and is doing far better
Possible spelling mistake found.
comapred
to its competitors who have five days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
plan.

Enjoyment is the most vital thing while doing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Three days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
gives employees the opportunity to pass more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to flourish as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
the efficiency of the workers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
70Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
459 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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