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It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 4
It is often argued that some people believe that if technology improves, cultural traditions will be die out. I partially agree with this opinion and think that technology development are not compatible in developed cities but it will be different when it comes to suburban. First of all, I believe that in urban areas have been changed a lot of drastic improvement by technology. In these modern era, individual tend to use the social sites to communicate with the friends and relatives. As a result, they lose strong relationship in the society will be tear down. In addition to, people knows about their neighbourhood but these days who don't know their closest residents. For example, people usually spends time with their families to bounce back of tension but now it is rarely seen. Secondly, technology advanced in the rural areas are still aid for their work. In other words, it is vividly seen that provides greater contribution to the development of farm industry to complete the process. Furthermore, technology also helps to access latest information by using the internet in suburban areas. For instance, the traditional skills like crafting, pottery are still passed on from parents to their offspring. To conclude, in few cases it is honestly shows that loss of relationship and lifestyle is due to the technology advanced; however, in some areas, numerous cultures are still provides significant advance in technology.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
, cultural traditions will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
development are not compatible in developed cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to suburban.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
drastic improvement by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. In these modern era, individual tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the social sites to communicate with the friends and relatives.
As a result
, they lose strong relationship in the society will be tear down.
In addition
to,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
knows
about their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these days who don't know their closest residents.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
spends time with their families to bounce back of tension
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
advanced in the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are
still
aid for their work.
In other words
, it is
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that provides greater contribution to the development of farm industry to complete the process.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to access
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
information by using the internet in suburban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
For instance
, the traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like crafting, pottery are
still
passed on from parents to their offspring.

To conclude
, in few cases it is
honestly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that loss of relationship and lifestyle is due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
advanced;
however
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, numerous cultures are
still
provides significant advance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
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We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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