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It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.1

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 1
Old-fashioned cultures and technology developments always criss-cross their swords against at each other. Although I completely concede that technology developments will eclipse the old-styled cultures, I can agree to this view only with certain exceptions. This essay will discuss in detail in which cases technology will swallow the old cultures and in which cases it will not. On the one hand, we see advancements in most of the fields that help mankind. Right from the pinhole medical surgeries, the machine which is weaving cotton and silk garments in manufacturing, genetic engineering in crops and various plantations to name a few. A few decades ago, these industries had struggled for their mere existence as their presence was whittled by old styled practices. For example, in order to remove a cataract from an eye, the surgery had to be made by knives which resulted in loss of blood. Moreover, the efficiency of non-occurrence of cataracts was so bleak. In addition to that, the patient was needed to take a minimum of 3-4 months rest before delivering his duties. Similarly, the hand labour was not creative in terms of weaving handicrafts. Because of these challenges, technical innovations were made to plug the old-styled loop holes. On the other hand, there are certain places where niche-edged advancements can never penetrate their area of dominance, in all of the fields of mankind. For example, a heritage building made up of limestone by manual construction can neither be simplified nor simulated by the advancements. That’s the reason, there is a strong vocal opposition from people, when any of the governments decided to demolish their old buildings. It is an irony that, unmanned metro trains that ferries people are still managed by humans, as we find it all the more scary to travel in a completely unmanned train. That confirms the point that, some of the technical advancements need to be monitored by traditional methods. To recapitulate, the niche-edged technologies are always welcomed with red carpet where the traditional practices lost their ground in proving their worthiness. However, not all of the old cultures are stamped as disuse to the mankind. Some are still reliable even for hundreds of years to come.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
-fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
developments always
Possible spelling mistake found.
criss-cross
their swords against at each other. Although I completely concede that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
developments will eclipse the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-styled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this view
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with certain exceptions. This essay will discuss in detail in which cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will swallow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and in which cases it will not.

On the one hand, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
in most of the fields that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
mankind. Right from the pinhole medical surgeries, the machine which is weaving cotton and silk garments in manufacturing, genetic engineering in crops and various plantations to name a few. A few decades ago, these industries had struggled for their mere existence as their presence
was whittled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
styled practices.
For example
, in order to remove a cataract from an eye, the surgery had to
be made
by knives which resulted in loss of blood.
Moreover
, the efficiency of non-occurrence of cataracts was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
bleak.
In addition
to that, the patient
was needed
to take a minimum of 3-4 months rest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
delivering his duties.
Similarly
, the hand
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
was not creative in terms of weaving handicrafts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these challenges, technical innovations
were made
to plug the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-styled loop holes.

On the other hand
, there are certain places where niche-edged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
can never penetrate their area of dominance, in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
fields of mankind.
For example
, a heritage building made up of limestone by manual construction can neither
be simplified
nor simulated by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
. That’s the reason, there is a strong vocal opposition from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, when any of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
decided to demolish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
buildings. It is an irony that, unmanned metro trains that ferries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
still
managed by humans, as we find it all the more scary to travel in a completely unmanned train. That confirms the point that,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
need to
be monitored
by traditional methods.

To recapitulate, the niche-edged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are always welcomed with red carpet where the traditional practices lost their ground in proving their worthiness.
However
, not
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are stamped
as disuse to the mankind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are
still
reliable even for hundreds of years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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