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It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view. v.2

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view. v. 2
In recent times, there has been a surge in technology world wide. This has led to the consideration by some people that, with the advancement in technology, our original beliefs and way of life will be abandoned and subsequently lost. I, however, do not agree with this idea. Analyzing, that technology will cause an advancement in culture. It is considered that, those who believe that tradition will be forgone in the nearest future as a result of technology and modernization support their claims with the fact that technology has contributed grossly to the busy schedule of the modern person and hence, has little or no time to engage in some things that were considered as the norm in the past. For example, people would rather spend time on their phones and internet working, than go to celebrate some festivities in their home towns with family. They believe the could just call them and video call them instead. This has somewhat reduced participation in such events and they are gradually losing their flare. However, I agree with those who are of the opinion that, the current advancements in technology will not cause abandonment of our original ways of life. Rather, it will further enhance it. For instance, there is a popular festival in my country. Recently, due to technology and internet, they have been able to raise awareness by posting videos of the celebration on the net and this, has attracted more people and tourists. It has also served as a source of revenue generation for my state. This won’t have been the case without the role of modernization. In conclusion, although there is the good and bad aspects associated with the current race in technology as it relates to tradition. I am of the opinion that technology will result more in growth of culture and way of life than otherwise. As long as people are still interested in these traditions.
In recent times, there has been a surge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
Did you mean "worldwide"?
world wide
. This has led to the consideration by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that, with the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, our original beliefs and way of life will
be abandoned
and
subsequently
lost. I,
however
, do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. Analyzing, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will cause an advancement in culture.

It
is considered
that, those who believe that tradition will be forgone in the nearest future
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and modernization support their claims with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has contributed
grossly
to the busy schedule of the modern person and
hence
, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no time to engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things that
were considered
as the norm in the past.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
rather
spend time on their phones and internet working, than go to celebrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
festivities in their home towns with family. They believe
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
call them and video call them
instead
. This has somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
participation in such
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
events and
they are
gradually
losing their flare.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who are of the opinion that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will not cause abandonment of our original ways of life.
Rather
, it will
further
enhance it.
For instance
, there is a popular festival in my country. Recently, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and internet, they have been able to raise awareness by posting videos of the celebration on the net and this, has attracted more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and tourists. It has
also
served as a source of revenue generation for my state. This won’t have been the case without the role of modernization.

In conclusion
, although there is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
aspects associated with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
race in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as it relates to tradition. I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will result more in growth of culture and way of life than
otherwise
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
interested in these traditions.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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