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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1
There is the number of supermarkets growing faster today than in the past and this trend has influenced many individual stores getting harder to run their business. I completely agree with some critics saying that if too many local stores went bust, the residential society will not be aware of it anymore. Firstly, many small businesses are not able to use a price strategy to attract consumers since people tend to purchase products in supermarket chains. The reason usually is that many supermarkets provide much cheaper price due to the number of product orders from suppliers at one time. Therefore, this new shopping style causes local groceries to lose the majority of consumers who are not able to earn profits, resulting in gradually losing competitiveness in the community. When it comes to supermarket chains, even though its automation checkout system helps consumers to purchase products efficient and time-saving, people gradually do not have interaction with others. For instance, before supermarket comes out, housewives not only go to groceries to purchase daily necessities, but also to catch up with their neighbors or people who live in the same area when they bump into the shops. So if many local small stores close down, it is likely to affect people's life because they do not particularly have many chances to talk with each other. In conclusion, there is unavoidable to say that growing up supermarkets chains have been threatening local business in the views of the fact that individuals cannot get the much cheaper price to order products from suppliers. As a result, when people start to the only shop in supermarkets, their convenience brings people gradually not really to get involved with others. It is generally not a positive effect on the community.
There is the number of supermarkets growing faster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
than in the past and this trend has influenced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individual stores getting harder to run their business. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critics saying that if too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
stores went bust, the residential society will not be aware of it anymore.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a price strategy to attract consumers since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in supermarket chains. The reason
The adverb 'usually' usually goes after the verb 'is'.
usually is
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
supermarkets provide much cheaper price due to the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
orders from suppliers at one time.
Therefore
, this new shopping style causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
groceries to lose the majority of consumers who are not able to earn profits, resulting in
gradually
losing competitiveness in the community.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to supermarket chains,
even though
its automation checkout system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
consumers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
efficient and time-saving,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gradually
do not have interaction with others.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
supermarket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
out, housewives not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
go to groceries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
daily necessities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to catch up with their neighbors or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the same area when they bump into the shops.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
stores close down, it is likely to affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
particularly
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances to talk with each other.

In conclusion
, there is unavoidable to say that growing up supermarkets chains have been threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
business in the views of the fact that individuals cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the much cheaper price to order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from suppliers.
As a result
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
shop in supermarkets, their convenience brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gradually
not
really
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved with others. It is
generally
not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the community.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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