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It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.5

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 5
It is believed by some people that the advancements in technology will invariably lead to the extinction of traditional cultures, as, they cannot coexist. This essay will give reasons why I completely disagree with this view in the ensuing paragraphs. Admittedly, people may argue that modern day technology has increased the awareness of people in various aspects, such as health and agriculture, consequently abandoning their traditional ways of doing things. However, this is not completely true as majority of communities cherish their culture and traditions and have aversion for development that will disrupt them. This is especially true for developing societies. Take genetically modified foods for instance, despite the numerous benefits the western world claim they have, there is still low level of use of these products in developing nations. There is no other reason for this, than the fact that they believe it will wipe out their local foods, and in extension their culture. What is more? People have used modern day technology for the benefits of their culture. In other worlds, many communities now use electronic gadgets to showcase their culture to the world. This is evident from the activities of a large number of museums in recent times. Not only have they converted written historical events of the communities into electronic copies, they have also made them into moving images, attracting tourists all over the world. This will no doubt help to preserve their culture and heritage. In conclusion, I believe people cherish their culture and will go any length to guard it, even in the face of modern day technology, which has even surprisingly helped to preserve these traditions
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will
invariably
lead to the extinction of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, as, they cannot coexist. This essay will give reasons why I completely disagree with this view in the ensuing paragraphs.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may argue that modern day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has increased the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in various aspects, such as health and agriculture,
consequently
abandoning their traditional ways of doing things.
However
, this is not completely true as
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
communities cherish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and traditions and have aversion for development that will disrupt them. This is
especially
true for developing societies. Take
genetically
modified foods
for instance
, despite the numerous benefits the western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
claim they have, there is
still
low level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these products in developing nations. There is no other reason for this,
Did you mean "then"?
than
the fact that they believe it will wipe out their local foods, and in extension their culture.

What is more
?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
modern day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for the benefits of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. In other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worlds
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
electronic gadgets to showcase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This is evident from the activities of
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
museums in recent times. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have they converted written historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
of the communities into electronic copies, they have
also
made them into moving images, attracting tourists all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This will no doubt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to preserve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and heritage.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cherish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and will go any length to guard it, even in the face of modern day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, which has even
surprisingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to preserve these traditions
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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