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It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional ways of life will be lost. Its seems that we cannot have these two things together. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional ways of life will be lost. Its seems that we cannot have these two things together. v. 1
It is undeniable that modern technology has influenced people's life dramatically. Some people tend to think that a lot of traditional ways of life will disappear sooner or later because technology and tradition are incompatiable. However, I believe that this statement is incorrect since the technological progress conduces to transportations and spreading cultures which can actually benefit keeping traditional life. To begin with, technology helps people overcome something was almost impossible in the past and make it happen easily nowadays, such as reuniting with families during important holidays for those people who are living abroad. In most cultures, there are usually some traditional holidays families will stay together to celebrate it like Christmas for western countries and lunar new year for eastern countries. Given that the technology we have, people who are living abroad no matter for studying or working are able to go back their country easily in reasonable hours. This is an example of strengthening traditional family value via transportation. Furthermore, a culture needs to be carried on for existing. That is to say a culture will be extinct if fewer and fewer people know it. One practical and efficient way to broadcast and spread a culture is via technology, for instance the internet. The internet is the place people can get tons of information. When a culture triggers some people's interest, without doubt, they will keep searching and exploring deeper into the culture. Therefore, those people can pass the torches and keep a culture alive. To sum up, although the technology has impacted some traditional ways of life, it does not mean that we cannot have them together. I believe that the progress in transportation and media are good examples to indicate that technology is actually able to keep some traditional value.
It is undeniable that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has influenced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life
dramatically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
ways of life will disappear sooner or later
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and tradition are
Possible spelling mistake found.
incompatiable
.
However
, I believe that this statement is incorrect since the technological progress conduces to transportations and spreading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
which can actually benefit keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overcome something was almost impossible in the past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it happen
easily
nowadays, such as reuniting with families during
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
holidays for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living abroad. In most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, there are
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
holidays families will stay together to celebrate it like Christmas for western countries and lunar new year for eastern countries.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
we have,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living abroad no matter for studying or working are able to go back their country
easily
in reasonable hours. This is an example of strengthening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
family value via transportation.

Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
needs to
be carried
on for existing.
That is
to say a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
will be extinct if fewer and fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know it. One practical and efficient way to broadcast and spread a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
for instance
the internet. The internet is the place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tons of information. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
triggers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's interest, without doubt, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
searching and exploring deeper into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Therefore
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can pass the torches and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
alive.

To sum up, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has impacted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
ways of life, it does not mean that we cannot have them together. I believe that the progress in transportation and media are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
examples to indicate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is actually able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
value.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional ways of life will be lost. Its seems that we cannot have these two things together. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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