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Natural talents are more important than working hard to achieve success. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Natural talents are more important than working hard to achieve success. v. 2
Achieving success by innate talent or by hard work is debatable. Some people claim that intuitive talent is more important than hard work to become successful. I completely disagree with this statement, because dedication is required even if a person is talented and also by working hard a person stays more focused towards achieving his goal. Firstly, a person with natural talent, still needs to work hard to become successful. For instance, Sachin Tendulkar the great cricketer would not have achieved success, if he was dependent only on his innate talent. In addition, a person needs to groom their talent, by practicing routinely. A recent study at Harvard university reveals that the children of many popular sports persons, do not achieve success like their parents, although they have inherited the natural talent from parents. Therefore, intuitive talent is of no use, if a person does not work hard on it. Secondly, by practicing routinely with dedication and determination even a layman can become successful. So, this immense effort keeps oneself motivated and focussed towards the goal. For instance, Andy Murray the world famous tennis star had said that, the secret of his success was dedicated hard work. Moreover, this hard work will make a person closer towards their target. Overall, in order to reach the top one must put efforts sincerely. In conclusion, even though a person is naturally talented still he cannot become a winner without dedication. Ultimately, hard work is the strongest factor to make anyone successful rather than innate talent.
Achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
by innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
or by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that intuitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. I completely disagree with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
dedication
is required
even if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is talented
and
also
by working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
stays more focused towards achieving his goal.

Firstly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
with natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
,
still
needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
the great cricketer would not have achieved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, if he was dependent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on his innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
.
In addition
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
needs to groom their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
, by practicing
routinely
. A recent study at
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Harvard university
reveals that the children of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
popular sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
, do not achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
like their parents, although they have inherited the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
from parents.
Therefore
, intuitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
on it.

Secondly
, by practicing
routinely
with dedication and determination even a layman can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this immense effort
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
oneself motivated and focussed towards the goal.
For instance
, Andy Murray the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
tennis star had said that, the secret of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
was dedicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
closer towards their target.
Overall
, in order to reach the top one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
put efforts
sincerely
.

In conclusion
,
even though
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is
naturally
talented
still
he cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a winner without dedication.
Ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the strongest factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
rather
than innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Natural talents are more important than working hard to achieve success. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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