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It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.3

It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. with this statement? v. 3
In the recent year, we have experienced an enormous development in technology. As the consequence to this, many people are afraid that long-time traditional values might be loosened. In my opinion, I partly agree with this statement. While it may be true in some cases, other culture seems to be unaffected or moreover, be cherished by technology. It is argued that though the social media has helped individual access the world easier, but it has also destroyed the reading tradition in the youth generation. For instance, following the increase of attractive entertainments on social media, people tend to watch televisions or surf the Internet, rather than reading books. People may claim that books’ content have been uploaded on the Internet, so they basically read the book on the web instead of on paper. However, reading book need time to chew while spending time too much on intelligent devices will damage your eye and cause insomnia by the blue light releasing by them. On the other hand, had it not been for the evolution in technology, traditional values would not have been spread widely to the youth. In many countries, the government has used social media for disseminating the country’s and cultures. For example, a long-time festival of an area is broadcast to the society through social media. This helps bring the old values to the adolescents, and moreover, spread away the culture widely on a global scale. In conclusion, though there are some cultures that have witnessed the negative effect as a result of advances in technology, however, there are still some traditional ways of life has survived and even flourished. In my opinion, if we know how to use the technology wisely, it would be a great help to drive our society upwards, without loosing our precious tradition. It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together.
In the recent year, we have experienced an enormous development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. As the
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "to". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence to
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are afraid that long-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values might
be loosened
. In my opinion, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. While it may be true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
seems to
be unaffected
or
moreover
,
be cherished
by technology.

It
is argued
that though the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
individual access the world easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
the reading tradition in the youth generation.
For instance
, following the increase of attractive entertainments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
televisions or surf the Internet,
rather
than reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books’
content have
been uploaded
on the Internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
basically
read the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
on the web
instead
of on paper.
However
, reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
need time to chew while spending time too much on intelligent devices will damage your eye and cause insomnia by the blue light releasing by them.

On the other hand
, had it not been for the evolution in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values would not have
been spread
widely
to the youth. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
for disseminating the country’s and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
For example
, a long-time festival of an area is broadcast to the society through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
bring the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
values to the adolescents, and
moreover
, spread away the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
widely
on a global scale.

In conclusion
, though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
that have witnessed the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect
as a result
of advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
however
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
ways of life has survived and even flourished. In my opinion, if we know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
wisely
, it would be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to drive our society upwards, without loosing our precious tradition.

It is inevitable that as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
advances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
will
be lost
. It seems that we cannot have these two things together.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. with this statement? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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