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It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from an early age. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from an early age. v. 1
It is said that teaching children to become independent and learning to decide on their own as early as possible is significant to them. In my own perspective, I believe that learning these things should depend on the child's age. There are reasons why giving children the independence is seen as beneficial. One is that it offers them the chance to stand on their own. Rather than frequently, depending on parents, these children can be educated to start doing things for themselves at an early childhood. For instance, letting them tie on their own shoes, fold their own clothes or comb their hair are simple ways to start them train. Hence, they will be able to do these easy tasks as soon as possible without depending on their parents. Moreover, teaching children during their younger age to make judgements of their own can make them future leaders. When children are taught to have opinions of their own, they likewise develop their critical thinking skills. For example, letting them manage their own money for their school expenses. By doing this, they can gain knowledge on how to spend and save money wisely, wherein their decision making skills are utilized. Thus, training children when they are young is viewed as crucial. Finally, I believe that it is best for children to initiate these trainings during their appropriate age. This is because not all children, particularly pre-schoolers, are able to make good choices. To illustrate, children in their primary and secondary levels are more mentally mature than pre-schoolers, thus the former are more able to make better decisions than the latter. Therefore, being a good decision maker can only be achieved at the right time. In conclusion, giving an opportunity for children to begin independence and give opinions should be based on the maturity of children. There is always a proper time for everything and parents should not rush on their children to learn everything.
It
is said
that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become independent and learning to decide on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
as early as possible is significant to them. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I believe that learning these things should depend on the child's age.

There are reasons why giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the independence is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as beneficial. One is that it offers them the chance to stand on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Rather
than
frequently
, depending on parents, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be educated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing things for themselves at an early childhood.
For instance
, letting them tie on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
shoes, fold their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
clothes or comb their hair are simple ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
them train.
Hence
, they will be able to do these easy tasks as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible without depending on their parents.

Moreover
, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
during their younger age to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
judgements of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them future leaders. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
to have opinions of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, they
likewise
develop their critical thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, letting them manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money for their school expenses. By doing this, they can gain knowledge on how to spend and save money
wisely
, wherein their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are utilized
.
Thus
, training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when they are young
is viewed
as crucial.

Finally
, I believe that it is best for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to initiate these trainings during their appropriate age. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
particularly
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-schoolers
, are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choices. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their primary and secondary levels are more mentally mature than
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-schoolers
,
thus
the former are more able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
better decisions than the latter.
Therefore
, being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision maker can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achieved
at the right time.

In conclusion
, giving an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
independence and give opinions should
be based
on the maturity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There is always a proper time for everything and parents should not rush on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn everything.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from an early age. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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